A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange.

The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! But I have a question, why is your head so small?"

The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. "One day," he begins, "I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream."

"No chit?" says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued.

"Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes."

"Keep going!"

I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous,woman.

She said, "You now have three wishes."

I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger."

She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!

She then asked, "What will be your second wish?"

"What next?" begged the bartender.

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours!

Afterwards, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?"

I looked at her and replied, "How 'bout a little head?"

 

Here's a good one, too....

This one's for Steve... as it's about a typical Aussie Gentleman...

Sheila was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them was washing her private area, and noticed that there was a response on the monitor when she touched her. They went to her husband Bruce and explained what happened, telling him,"Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
Bruce was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. He finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined... no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room. "What happened?"
Bruce replied, "I guess she choked."

 

Good one Sir

Good one

 

Three men were trying to rob a bank, when they are shot and killed.

God comes down to them and says, "I will give all three of you the chance to live, and you get one final chance to steal something."

The men all agreed. They were willing to do anything to live. God says to them, "go to the fruit market down the street and steal three fruit of any kind. Then come back here and I will tell you what to do."

The first man comes back, carrying 3 cherries. God says to him, "If you can put all 3 cherries in your *** without making a face, I will give you your life back. If not, you are going to hell."

The man puts 2 cherries in his ***, but as he is sticking the third one inside he makes a grunting face. God snaps his fingers and poooof sends the man to hell.

The second man comes back carrying three apples. God says to him, "If you can stick all three of those apples up your ***, I will give you your life back. If not, you are going to hell.

So the man sticks 2 apples in his ***. But when he puts the third one inside, he starts laughing hysterically.

God says to him, "You have made a face, and now you will have to go to hell. But i am curious...why did you start laughing?"

And the man says then, "Cuz Larry is on his way back, and he stole 3 watermelons."

 

One for the Road until next Munday

One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?" To which the second flea replied "I just rode out here on a bikers mustache and I'm so very coldddd!" The first flea said, "Don't you know the special trick to gettin here, first you go to the airport, go straight to the ladies cammode, wait for a pretty young stewardess to come along, and when she sits down you climb right up in there where its nice and warm". The second flea agreed that this was a grand idea. The next winter comes along and it was time for the fleas to head for the sunny beaches again. The first flea arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flea legs. About that time, the second flea arrived again just a shiverin', shakin', and mumbling about how cold he was. The first flea exclaimed "Didn't you learn anything that I taught you about getting here nice and warm?" To which the second flea replied, "I did just as you said; I went to the ladies cammode and this pretty stewardess came in and sat down, I climbed right up in there and it was so very warm. Next thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep. All of a sudden I woke and there I was, right back on that bikers mustache!