Who can tell the funniest joke? Challenge
#1
11-04-2010, 06:55 PM
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Location: South Yorkshire UK
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Who can tell the funniest joke? Challenge
Rude or clean, but not offensive please lets see who can tell the funniest joke
Ill start.
Old couple Edith and Stan walking round the furniture shop when Edith stops suddenly sits down on the nearest chair and starts sweating and panting heavily.
Stan comforts her and tells her it will be ok.
One of the furniture shop assistants runs up to Stan and asks him if she is ok?
Stan replies "dont worry son shes just getting her breath back, you see she has acute angina"
The furniture shop assistant replies "has she? Er. . . . . well her **** are quite nice as well". ;-)
Ill start.
Old couple Edith and Stan walking round the furniture shop when Edith stops suddenly sits down on the nearest chair and starts sweating and panting heavily.
Stan comforts her and tells her it will be ok.
One of the furniture shop assistants runs up to Stan and asks him if she is ok?
Stan replies "dont worry son shes just getting her breath back, you see she has acute angina"
The furniture shop assistant replies "has she? Er. . . . . well her **** are quite nice as well". ;-)
Last edited by cringer; 11-04-2010 at 06:58 PM.
#3
11-04-2010, 10:55 PM
This is a touching story Just when you have lost faith in human kindness, someone who teaches at Kean Elementary in Wooster , Ohio forwarded the following letter.
The letter was sent to the Principals office after the school had sponsored
a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as
a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all
humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today.
Dear Kean Elementary:
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior
citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the
Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now
and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your
kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had
her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to
hers, even when she was napping.
The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces.
It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress over the broken radio touched
me and I knew this was God's way of answering my prayers. She asked if she
could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ***.
Thank you for that opportunity.
The letter was sent to the Principals office after the school had sponsored
a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as
a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all
humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today.
Dear Kean Elementary:
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior
citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the
Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now
and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your
kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had
her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to
hers, even when she was napping.
The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces.
It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress over the broken radio touched
me and I knew this was God's way of answering my prayers. She asked if she
could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ***.
Thank you for that opportunity.
#4
11-05-2010, 12:03 AM
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The first one reminded of this old one... Probably not correct, but close to the way I remember it.
An elderly, newly married couple are sitting on the bed together for their first time together. The old woman begins to dis-robe reluctantly because she has kept a secret from her new husband that does not allow her to have sex. She takes off her shirt and her blue viened, liver spotted, wrinkled ***** that look like deflated balloons fall onto her lap with a thud!! She turns to her husband, knowing she can not have sex with him and with a deep breath, says, I have acute angina... and just stares at him waiting for his response.
he stares back in silence for a moment and in a big sigh of relief, the old man says..... whoa.... thank goodness.... because you sure got some ugly boobies...
An elderly, newly married couple are sitting on the bed together for their first time together. The old woman begins to dis-robe reluctantly because she has kept a secret from her new husband that does not allow her to have sex. She takes off her shirt and her blue viened, liver spotted, wrinkled ***** that look like deflated balloons fall onto her lap with a thud!! She turns to her husband, knowing she can not have sex with him and with a deep breath, says, I have acute angina... and just stares at him waiting for his response.
he stares back in silence for a moment and in a big sigh of relief, the old man says..... whoa.... thank goodness.... because you sure got some ugly boobies...
#5
11-05-2010, 03:29 AM
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A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice.
The woman immediately goes into her manager's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment complaint and explains why.
The manager is puzzled by this and says, "What's wrong with your co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "He's a midget".
The woman immediately goes into her manager's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment complaint and explains why.
The manager is puzzled by this and says, "What's wrong with your co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "He's a midget".
#6
11-05-2010, 07:51 AM
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a Gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a Gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
#7
11-05-2010, 09:54 AM
Senior Member
A guy sits down at a bar, Bartender asks "what'll it be?"
Guy says "line up 6 shots of Jack Daniels"
Bartender pours all 6 shot-glasses, and the customer slams down the first 3, rapid-fire.
Bartender says "Damn son! What's the occasion for all this?"
Guy responds "my first *******."
The bartender says "well hell then! here's a 7th shot on the house!"
The guy slams down 3 more shots, looks up at the bartender and says:
"You can drink it yourself, if these 6 didn't wash the taste out, nothing will."
Guy says "line up 6 shots of Jack Daniels"
Bartender pours all 6 shot-glasses, and the customer slams down the first 3, rapid-fire.
Bartender says "Damn son! What's the occasion for all this?"
Guy responds "my first *******."
The bartender says "well hell then! here's a 7th shot on the house!"
The guy slams down 3 more shots, looks up at the bartender and says:
"You can drink it yourself, if these 6 didn't wash the taste out, nothing will."
#8
11-05-2010, 04:41 PM
Senior Member
A guy sits down at a bar, Bartender asks "what'll it be?"
Guy says "line up 6 shots of Jack Daniels"
Bartender pours all 6 shot-glasses, and the customer slams down the first 3, rapid-fire.
Bartender says "Damn son! What's the occasion for all this?"
Guy responds "my first *******."
The bartender says "well hell then! here's a 7th shot on the house!"
The guy slams down 3 more shots, looks up at the bartender and says:
"You can drink it yourself, if these 6 didn't wash the taste out, nothing will."
Guy says "line up 6 shots of Jack Daniels"
Bartender pours all 6 shot-glasses, and the customer slams down the first 3, rapid-fire.
Bartender says "Damn son! What's the occasion for all this?"
Guy responds "my first *******."
The bartender says "well hell then! here's a 7th shot on the house!"
The guy slams down 3 more shots, looks up at the bartender and says:
"You can drink it yourself, if these 6 didn't wash the taste out, nothing will."
#9
11-06-2010, 08:20 PM
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A piece of string walks into a bar. The bar tender says,"Didn't you read the sign at the door? It says No Strings Allowed. Get out!"
The string walks outside, ties himself into a knot and unravels one end of himself so it looks like he has long hair. Satisfied that his new disguise will work, he walks back into the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender starts pouring the beer, then says ,"Hey, are you that string I just threw out of here a couple minutes ago?"
The string replied,"Uh, no, I'm a frayed knot."
Out on the farm lived a horse and a chicken. One day they were walking through the woods and the horse fell into a swampy bog and started to sink. He cried out to the chicken to run back to the farm and get help. The chicken ran as fast as he could and when he got to the farm he couldn't find the farmer anywhere. He spotted the farmer's new Harley in the barnyard with the keys in the ignition so he grabbed a rope and rode the bike as fast as he could back to the horse, tied the rope to the Harley and tossed the other end to the horse. He revved the Harley up and pulled the horse out of the bog.
They rode the Harley back to the barnyard and the farmer was none the wiser.
A couple weeks later the chicken and the horse were out for another walk and the chicken fell into a swampy bog and started to sink. He called to his buddy the horse for help. The horse walked over to the hole, straddled it, and told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing, then took a couple steps, freeing his friend from the hole.
The moral of the story: When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks!
The string walks outside, ties himself into a knot and unravels one end of himself so it looks like he has long hair. Satisfied that his new disguise will work, he walks back into the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender starts pouring the beer, then says ,"Hey, are you that string I just threw out of here a couple minutes ago?"
The string replied,"Uh, no, I'm a frayed knot."
Out on the farm lived a horse and a chicken. One day they were walking through the woods and the horse fell into a swampy bog and started to sink. He cried out to the chicken to run back to the farm and get help. The chicken ran as fast as he could and when he got to the farm he couldn't find the farmer anywhere. He spotted the farmer's new Harley in the barnyard with the keys in the ignition so he grabbed a rope and rode the bike as fast as he could back to the horse, tied the rope to the Harley and tossed the other end to the horse. He revved the Harley up and pulled the horse out of the bog.
They rode the Harley back to the barnyard and the farmer was none the wiser.
A couple weeks later the chicken and the horse were out for another walk and the chicken fell into a swampy bog and started to sink. He called to his buddy the horse for help. The horse walked over to the hole, straddled it, and told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing, then took a couple steps, freeing his friend from the hole.
The moral of the story: When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks!
