"that's what she said" ....... I usually say it in the most random times ever

 

Boondock saints??

 

These are kept in a folder on my PC. Just sort of accumulated them over time.

The only thing that burns in Hell is the part of you that won't let go of life, your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away. But they're not punishing you. They're freeing your soul. So, if you're frightened of dying, and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. ~ Jacob’s Ladder

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind. That deeply emotional conviction of the presence of a superior reasoning power, which is revealed in the incomprehensible Universe, forms my idea of God.
~ Albert Einstein

I slept with faith and found a corpse in my arms on awakening; I drank and danced all night with doubt and found her a virgin in the morning. ~ Aleister Crowley, Book of Lies

Things are entirely what they appear to be and behind them... there is nothing. ~ Jean Paul Sartre, Nausea

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. ~ Calvin Coolidge

Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful. ~ Seneca

Religion is comparable to a childhood neurosis. ~ Sigmund Freud

To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost. ~ Gustave Flaubert

Man with all his noble qualities, with sympathy which feels for the most debased, with benevolence which extends not only to other men but to the humblest living creature, with his god-like intellect which has penetrated into the movements and constitution of the solar system—with all these exalted powers—Man still bears in his bodily frame; the indelible stamp of his lowly origin. ~ Charles Darwin

 

"It Seemed Like A Good Idea At the Time!"

 

Dude you need a bigger bike. You look like a monkey f**king a football on that thing.

 

^^^^ I use that one all the time.. haha.

also,

"you gotta lick it before you stick it"


"you can't fix stupid" a good one to say when your talking to a person that just won't listen. there is no point if going on as they will never see the light. I just say it, and walk away.

 

Another one i just remembered thanx to Incog:

"A man needs one of three things in life: Something that loves him; if you cant give him something that loves him give him something to love; If he is unable to find something to love give him something to do."

or something like that.

 

Regarding experience (of any sort), I prefer this this one:

" I was doin' this when you were still swingin' in your daddy's nut sack!"

 

How about ....
"3 people in your life that you need to care about ... your barber, the person that cooks your food, and your bartender. F@%%# everyone else!!!"

My favorite..
"You hang around sh@# long enough, you'll start to smell like it!!"

 

I'd rather be a smart#ss than a dumb#ss.