I wake up, take a shower, go to work, come home, go to sleep, and do it all over again. Sometimes I find sincere happiness in relationships but in the end even those fail, as in its too hard to make it work and in the end people are always looking out for themselves first. I dont talk to my family very often, I have grown up in the structural society that dictates love for your family but I have never been one to believe in implied feelings for a person. I have a motorcycle that stirs passion in me when I see it, a truck thats probably the most dependable thing I have in my life, and a roof over my head, yet in the end I still feel empty inside. I have come to the conclusion that there is no underlying purpose in anything I do, Im part of a generation of men formed from a strict female instrument, driven to nihilsim not by choice, but by lack of it. Sometimes I look to the sky and I wonder whats beyond it, they say that the universe is a ever expanding thing, so that means there is no end to what I could possibly imagine right? I wonder if someone in a far off place, billions of light years away, is doing this exact same thing; searching.

 

that's deep dude

 

I like to shower after work, so i don't get my bed dirty...

Really though.. sorry to hear you feel an emptyness inside yourself. Don't know that i can offer much advice, i have felt that way before, but for now, i am happy. Mainly because of my women. I guess we just hope that one of those relationships will go the distance. My purpose is to live a good life if fornothing else, then for myself. I can see the error of my ways and try to improve the quality in which i live all the time.

There's no time to be all philosophical and try to define life with a purpose or you will die in the blink of an eye. We all die, not everyone lives !

 

Don't take life too seriously. You won't get out alive anyway. You have to learn to appriciate thelittle things if the big things are missing.

I quote Kevin Spacey:

'Look at me, jerking off in the shower... This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here. '

 

Move, make some new friends, get in a fight, drink some more, drink less maybe, get in trouble, ride more often, hit something with your truck(personally i like mailboxes), pick up a slutty girl at the bar, just mix it up. Im right there with ya man, I go to school, come back, do school work, lift, go to bed, and then do it all again the next day getting no where, spending thousands of dollars a month to only be right back where i have been for the last 17 god damn years of my lame ****ing life. the things i mentioned are the ones that keep me alive. You gotta find something for yourself. People always say you can do whatever you want if you put your mind to it, and i agree, i do pretty much whatever the hell i want but im also prepared to pay the price of what i do when the day comes that the world comes back to bite me in the azz. Ive been in plenty of fights where i was the one that ended up getting the shiit kicked out of him, Ive had tickets for drinking, speeding tickets, vandalism charges, broken trucks/cars, and been poor as hell to the point that i was borrowing money from friends and family and im only 21. Just keep mixing it up, dont get bored. I get bored easy and have to constantly change. Moving to florida from ohio for no reason at all is a very real consideration for me right now because im bored here and cant afford anymore trouble for a while. There is no end to what you could imagine just like you said.


and that is deep dude, maybe study an astronomy class, you can look even father into that space that we know nothing about.

 

I've been in this state for the last2 or3 years, sometimes were worse than others, I was in a rut, I started to sleep around, and just stopped trying. That is untill I met my gf. She has stirred something inside me that I didn't know was there, when I'm with her I feel full and happy. Something about her completes her and because of her I'm going back to school so I can do something with my life instead of being just a retail manager (nothing wrong with that, it just doesn't make me happy) My life feels like something again because of her

 

What are you searching for in life?Happiness. Haven't quite found it yet, but I'm hoping it comes soon. We've all been in the emptiness feeling. Faith for future happiness is what keeps us going on... just a matter of time.

 

I have been where you are........still there somewhat....just maybe more accepting of it. I remember in my late teens, feeling so alone and had been that way for years. That all changed when I met my wife. We had a great relationship, had 3 kids too. Life was great!!! I felt a part of something bigger than myself and I wasnt alone. I remember waking up one morning and the wife acted strange. Over the next few weeks she kinda had a mini break down, crying and spilling stuff from her childhood. (we had been married about 16 years at that point) She straightened up for a bit then started smoking and became arguementative. Started catching her in lies.........she started going to a tanning bed, got belly button peirced and no longer cared about the kids or the events in their life like ball and cheering. It wasnt long b4 it was obvious she was cheating.... We divorced, I spent 7K trying to get custody......judge gave it her anyway....along with the house, its contents, 2 cars and $1750 a month in child support. She still acts like someone that me or the kids dont really recognize but she was able to hook up with a guy that makes about $100K a year. That with what I pay her and her job.......she has lived a pretty f***ing good life these past few years. I've set here broke alone and sometimes hungry at first......its getting better now though.....financially speaking. Work, my bike and being here for my son is my life..........If it wasnt for him, this private hell may have ceased being usefull to me a long time ago. I'm not sure which is worse, never finding happiness or a purpose in life....or having it stolen from you.
The only thing I do know.... if you intend to live life.....do it well....pick something that brings you joy and chase it....even if it seems selfish. You can have an endless parade of women and.......nothing. But just one can make a world of difference.

Good luck

 

Searching for "more". I'm not a material person, as long as the bills are paid and I'm not shivering in the rain I'm cool. I know I'll never be "happy", asI refuse to take the meds that that would require...far too much ugly in the world, mostly created by the human animal, for me to ever be happy living in it. Conversely, while I'm not scared of death, I certainly do not seek it...I do wish to continue living for as long as possible, see my unborn child grow up and hopefully become a better person than I am (shouldn't be too hard, I've done some f*cked things in my past). I know that there is a "dead" spot in my emotions...while I can feel love, I do not grieve over the loss of love (or loved ones)...it is what it is, things/people come and go, it is the natural order of things. It scares me sometime, knowing what I know about the psyche and what my symptoms match...I look at emotional people with a detatched bemusement...while I find it curious, I have difficulty understanding it. I'll never be satisfied with my station in life, as being satisfied means that your desire has been squashed. A life without desire or passion is not a life, it is simply living. Do I know what I'm seeking? No. Will I ever find it? How do I know, if I do not know what it is I seek? Do IHOPE that one day, the answer will come and I will still have some time on this Earth to use it? Most sincerely, yes.