Way too funny...
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From: Fort Awesome
Way too funny...
Kewl posted this on another thread, but it about killed me so I had to post it in case you guys don't look at "the truth in advertising" thread. This comes from Ebay, and is a description of the golf club this guy is selling:
[size=2]Im selling this club because I finally left my fatass girlfriend who hated the fact that I loved to play golf. I bought this for her when hybrids first came out which was approximately 5 years ago or when she was 115 pounds lighter. She stopped playing golf soon after I introduced her to the game and decided she would rather eat cookies and tacos as a sport. When she decided to start playing again she realized that her hands were to swollen to grip the club properly from all the meat around her knuckles. In addition, she couldnt figure out why she could not make a shoulder turn anymore. Truth be told, her ***** got so big and droopy that she had to use my Sun Mountain push cart to haul them when we played (the cart has since buckled from the overloaded weight capacity). Also, her gut and thighs got so big she could hide 4 full grown Chihuahuas under the fat folds. I put up with her ****t for about 2 years and during this time she got even heavier. Her fatass became so big that when she actually made a correct shoulder turn she farted. I'm not talking about a ladylike fart with a few giggles- were talking fog horn deep and the smell was so bad it would turn all your hair into ash. I think the hippo actually fermented napalm in her colon from all the ice cream, pizza and bad chinese food she inhaled on an hourly basis. Ultimately it got to the point where I just stopped playing with her because I began to feel like I was doing a "Make a Wish" deed for the obese, retarded lady. And every time I went out with my regular group on Sundays, she gave me that look like I was going to be in deep ****t when I got back. So eventually I said f*ck it and I wont play for a while. 2 months ago I was cleaning out the garage and my buddies came over after a round and we were shooting the ****t about the US Open when all of sudden the cyclops comes out from her cave and tells me that I should sell all my clubs since I dont play anymore. My friends all gave me that look (you know what I mean) and just left in complete disgust. I knew those f*ckers were laughing their asses off at me and I felt really bad. Whatever....... I just rolled with it but 3 weeks after that incident she decided she was going to sell some of my ****t at a garage sale with 10 of her fat friends from the neighborhood. You shoulda seen this. It was a spectacle. 10 fat, female pigs all wearing tennis visors and shorts that were straining to stay buttoned around their waists. They had more MM's, Oreos and Grape Soda then garage sale items. I went specifically to see what she took of mine thinking there may have been a few odd things that she grabbed when I suddenly I saw my beloved Mizuno MP33 blades being hauled off by a senior citizen. I stopped the geezer and told him it was a mistake but the f*cker told me to kiss his **** and that he had a receipt. I almost strangled the gimp but I had 5 fat hogs standing in front of me telling that a "sale was sale" and they barricaded me in with their 34 inch necks. Get this: THEY SOLD MY CLUBS FOR $89 AND THEY THOUGHT THEY GOT A GOOD DEAL. That was pretty much the last straw so that evening while the beast was asleep, I grabbed what I could and left her cave. This club was one of the items I snagged along with some of her golf shoes, shirts and her golf bag. If you are a man with size 18 feet and bunions her shoes might fit you. I'll put the rest of her items up for sale in the Deformed Product Section. Please note this club has a small chip in the paint and has some sole wear. The lard **** must have forgotten to put the headcover on during one of her on c
[size=2]Im selling this club because I finally left my fatass girlfriend who hated the fact that I loved to play golf. I bought this for her when hybrids first came out which was approximately 5 years ago or when she was 115 pounds lighter. She stopped playing golf soon after I introduced her to the game and decided she would rather eat cookies and tacos as a sport. When she decided to start playing again she realized that her hands were to swollen to grip the club properly from all the meat around her knuckles. In addition, she couldnt figure out why she could not make a shoulder turn anymore. Truth be told, her ***** got so big and droopy that she had to use my Sun Mountain push cart to haul them when we played (the cart has since buckled from the overloaded weight capacity). Also, her gut and thighs got so big she could hide 4 full grown Chihuahuas under the fat folds. I put up with her ****t for about 2 years and during this time she got even heavier. Her fatass became so big that when she actually made a correct shoulder turn she farted. I'm not talking about a ladylike fart with a few giggles- were talking fog horn deep and the smell was so bad it would turn all your hair into ash. I think the hippo actually fermented napalm in her colon from all the ice cream, pizza and bad chinese food she inhaled on an hourly basis. Ultimately it got to the point where I just stopped playing with her because I began to feel like I was doing a "Make a Wish" deed for the obese, retarded lady. And every time I went out with my regular group on Sundays, she gave me that look like I was going to be in deep ****t when I got back. So eventually I said f*ck it and I wont play for a while. 2 months ago I was cleaning out the garage and my buddies came over after a round and we were shooting the ****t about the US Open when all of sudden the cyclops comes out from her cave and tells me that I should sell all my clubs since I dont play anymore. My friends all gave me that look (you know what I mean) and just left in complete disgust. I knew those f*ckers were laughing their asses off at me and I felt really bad. Whatever....... I just rolled with it but 3 weeks after that incident she decided she was going to sell some of my ****t at a garage sale with 10 of her fat friends from the neighborhood. You shoulda seen this. It was a spectacle. 10 fat, female pigs all wearing tennis visors and shorts that were straining to stay buttoned around their waists. They had more MM's, Oreos and Grape Soda then garage sale items. I went specifically to see what she took of mine thinking there may have been a few odd things that she grabbed when I suddenly I saw my beloved Mizuno MP33 blades being hauled off by a senior citizen. I stopped the geezer and told him it was a mistake but the f*cker told me to kiss his **** and that he had a receipt. I almost strangled the gimp but I had 5 fat hogs standing in front of me telling that a "sale was sale" and they barricaded me in with their 34 inch necks. Get this: THEY SOLD MY CLUBS FOR $89 AND THEY THOUGHT THEY GOT A GOOD DEAL. That was pretty much the last straw so that evening while the beast was asleep, I grabbed what I could and left her cave. This club was one of the items I snagged along with some of her golf shoes, shirts and her golf bag. If you are a man with size 18 feet and bunions her shoes might fit you. I'll put the rest of her items up for sale in the Deformed Product Section. Please note this club has a small chip in the paint and has some sole wear. The lard **** must have forgotten to put the headcover on during one of her on c
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