hey everyone well i wanted to get some opinions on this. i love to write especially poetry , now i havent written anything in a few years now but tonight i just felt that i should. so i whipped this up really fast . nothing to over zealous or too thesbian.. so read and give some feedback . constructive crtique is welcomed any bashing and ill delete your post so why bother lol jk

I close my eyes

As I lay in the comfort of a familiar place
I look to my left wishing to see your face
Our memories and love fill me with joy
But this game we are forced to play has me feeling like a toy

I close my eyes and count from Ten
Just wishing and dreaming I can see you again
I close my eyes and count from nine
The only thing keeping us apart is distance and time

I can still remember the 1st day we met
Walking hand in hand and getting wet
The beauty of your smile captured my heart
We’ve been in love with each other from the start

I close my eyes and count from eight
Holding you in my arms reminded me to believe in fate
I close my eyes and count from seven
Who knew that in each other we would find heaven

We knew that to be together we would have to fight
You will never know what strength it took to actually board that flight
Leaving you alone crying in the rain was a day in hell
That airport felt truly like a jail cell

I close my eyes and count from six
Our love is like a candle with and endless wick
I close my eyes and count from five
Without you in my life I feel empty ..barely alive

I never realized that one person could make so much difference
But now that I have you I’ll never let go; I am in it for the distance
I want to be with you and together we can start a new life
If while I am down on this one knee you’ll say yes and be my wife

I close my eyes and count from four
I keep wishing everyday you’ll come walking through that door
I close my eyes and count from three
Baby just stay strong and soon together we’ll be

For us to be together again, every star I’ve wished upon
I would give anything to just again hear you say “em yeu anh”
Anh se yeu em mai mai
You’re just to wonderful honey I can’t say bye

I close my eyes and count to two
I want nothing more then to be with you
I close my eyes and count to one
I have no doubt in my heart or mind that you are thee ONE[/i]

Anh yeu em, anh nho em rat nhieu lam mai mai
Em lam cho anh that hanh phuc
Em la tat ca doi voianh
Em co bang long lay anh lam chong khong

Written for: Hang Tonnu
10-25-08
Robert Miller

 

Thats very nice coming from an axe wielding maniac. Again its not my thing (no talent) but it seems to flow really well, and definatly has feeling.

 

I have no idea how to critique anything like this, but I know it sounded good

 

WTF...did this just happen? when did we start having Poetry Hour on CBRF?

 

I thought it was a welcome change over the usual drivel, geez...I take back my disappointment in the other thread

 

thanks for the comments so far

 

Nice, Havoc - at the end of the day, it may not be 'classical' poetry, but it gets your message across, and that's what is most important. Last verse - Vietnamese ? Keep it up, Poetry seems to be a fading art these days....