There seems to be numerous issues at play here. There is the drugs, the "step" son, the absence of financial help, you and the wife with opposing views, your daughter's well being, etc. I would think the first thing that HAS to happen is you and your wife need to be on the same page. Absolutely, mandatory, no exceptions. If you feel a certain way, and she doesn't seem to care, you will end up resenting her. It will cause your relationship to sputter. Also, if her son sees that, it will undermine your authority in the house. Is she aware of exactly how you feel about the matter? Try to let her know, and be willing to listen to her...WITHOUT AN AGENDA. The problem we sometimes have in communicating is waiting for someone to stop talking so we can chime in with our point. Make sure you guys listen to eachother and come up with a plan because then it is two on one. The boundaries must be set with him. He needs to pay his way (it is more than just money), or he needs to find a new place to live. Set a time frame for him to get a job and when to start paying you rent. If he messes up...tough love. There is no room for drug addicts (potential thieves and heartbreakers) in a healthy household.

 

Get him a girlfriend, that will replace the drugs, but be careful when they break up, it could be twice as worse. On the good side, all goes well, he ends up engaged and moves out.

 

Rough isn't it? Try not to give up on him, if you do and things go bad he WILL die. I dont think anybody really wants that.

You need to talk, all of you. Be openminded and yet stern with your feelings, not angry and argumentative.

Send him to church, God is a good replacement for drugs.

 

+1 to what bushmaster had said .. talk talk talk .. try to get the wife to understand the danger that her son is getting into ..cuz that will make her back u up more .. u need to get her to understand too that life desnt come that easy.. i have a step son with my wife who just moved in with us last year .. and my daughter . i put the rules and i told my wife that i love my life and i love my family and i wouldnt let any one take it down. the most important is to get the wife to understand not to spiol him or any thing ..act tough when it needs to so things doesnt go worse ...... and god he is 22 he is a grown man . i was living on my own since i was 19 .... most important dont let it get between u and ur wife ( u know how they act .. u dont like my son and that blah blah ****)

 

whats happening is though he is drug free all those years his health took a toll.His teeth are a mess and he getting them taken care of and thats great.He is looking to buy a car and the insurance alone is $2800 dollars.He works but he aint making ****.I told my wife he needs to get a second job.I want to see the kid improve but no one else is reaching in there pocket not even mom.So the kid aint paying and the mother is afraid to ask for the money.Meantime I am paying off braces for my kid and just finished paying off her car.I make ok money but I got bills out the ***.

 

sounds like you and your wife really need to talk things out 1st . start there then together talk with your son. it sounds like he is trying just no where near hard enough. tell him that you understand he is trying but you need him to step i tup and help do his share.

 

I think it is impossible to have the same nuturing feelings for someone who is not your flesh and blood child. I struggle everyday with a teenager that is a stepdaughter. I have to work at the relationship like I am in the dentist's chair. It is hard work to care for that kid (man) who is using your resources and potentially taking advanatage of the situation. I am curious as to how long you have been married, and how much history do you have with your stepson? Keep in mind, you are NOT alone. It is easy to think that you have a unique situation, but if it helps you to know that others struggle, then take that to heart. Good luck, my man!

 

Being a recovering addict is probably one of the toughest situations in life. Once you're off the shyte, it HAS to be replaced with something positive. Not a day goes by when you don't think about getting high. And you don't think about the times that you almost killed yourself; you think about the times that it felt so great. Sometimes you just want nothing more than to go back to that place.

If the kid is walking around all day with a pity party, I'd kick him in the ***. He needs to find a hobby that he really likes to occupy his mind with thoughts other than getting high.

 

holy crap I had a whole big long *** response typed up but........ I am not you.... I can say I think you already know what you want to do but are looking for justification. follow your heart but don't ignore the brain. good luck

 

You know when I posted this situation of mine I really thought I was going to get some wacky responses and I was very wrong.Each and every response was mixed with honesty and humor and good old common sense I thank you all.I didnt mean to bring anyone down especially on the holidays but this thing was coming to a bursting point I needed advise.What has happened in the last 12 hours is really like having someone drive a knife thru your heart.I mean I had to protect my daughter and I advised my wife that papers need to be rewritten and names changed on some.I trusted her and she always said she would care for my daughter when I died.But I see her son as being an ongoing problem this is his 2nd go at rehab.He will be a finacial burden amongst other things for the rest of her life.My concern was that she would be blinded buy her desire to care for her son and money would be missapropriated leaving my daughter to fall behind.I worked to hard and spent a small fortune to keep my daughter safe and I am not going to stop now.What happened last night was we drove in just about all the nails in the coffin.Only matter of time I see no other way.