PMSL,

 

damn I'm old... took me a few seconds on that one... Pi**** my self laughing. I need a translation book, I'm not a big chat room person.

 

O.K. Since we're all bitchin ... here's a list of new rules I'd like to see imposed:

[size=4][b]New Rule: I don't need a reminder at the bottom of the TV screen to tell me "You're watching 'Lost.'" Somehow, we got through the first 50 years of television knowing what show we were watching by looking at it! If Lucy is on, it's "Lucy." If it's some guys playing football, it's probably football.

New Rule: Just because the tattoo right above the crack of your *** has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blond teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the *******. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge *******.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: You can't put any more types of meat on a bacon-cheesburger. Once you've made it a bacon-cheeseburger, you're done. If you're adding more than that, you have to opt out of Medicare.

New

 

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are these original? you guys have too much free time. funny

 

Can't stop laughing....... it hurts it hurts... sides gonna burst............. dammit, pissed on my leg. thanks alot.

 

hey chain, is there anything that you do approve of? if so, it would probably be a much shorter response! jk man. i laughed my *** off at a few of them. nicely done

 

ROTFLMAO Took me so long to read them all that i was logged out by the page.

 

Chain, you crack me up man. Between starting the post marking doncollins "King", and this one...damn.

 

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.


Every single one of those are funny as hell. But this one, I don't know why killed me. I thought I was never going to get up off the ground from laughing so hard. [sm=happybounce.gif]