Okay, is this letter better?
Thread Starter
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,353
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From:
Okay, is this letter better?
I cleaned it up a bit...left out the verbage that really described how disappointed I am I was not there to just turn people's pockets
upside down and inside out.
Still needs the MS Word treatment...but it's...calmer...more...professional.
[quote]
DATED: 12-20-2007
Re: Claim number and inaction of responsible parties
As you know...
On November 28th, 2007 at approximately 2:25pm:
Your client, Cameron ********, son of Don C. and Denise B. ******.backed his State Farm insured 2001 Chevy Blazer into my bike, which was parked in a non-reserved, public domain, open parking lot area, in an apartment housing lot environment.
At the time, I was helping a family member move into said apartments.
He, Cameron, backed his Chevy Blazer into my motorcycle with the bike coming to rest completely over onto it's side. Causing damage.
There is also evidence listed in the insurance damage estimate I sent, which you have reviewed, that he partially ran over on top of my bike then realizing that, drove forward, backing off my now considerably damaged motorcycle.
His and your issued policy number:
Policy number: **********************
SFPP 0213331925
Vehicle involved: 2001 Chevrolet Blazer
Drivers listed on policy :John, Denise, Erin, Cameron
The above events unfolded at the following address:
**** N.**** Ave
****** Tx. ******
At the time of the incident, I had parked my bike in the "middle" parking space, with a 3 car size, non-parking, (white striped) area to the left of my bike's space, and 4 empty parking spaces,
to the right.
My bike could be seen by anyone who was looking, clearly, from the approximately 30-35 yards after they turned into the apartment parking lot. My bike had been parked there for more than 10 minutes prior to Mr. Cameron ********* arrival on said property.
Photocopies of some, actually just a few, of the pictures I took with my digital camera
of the incident scene, some of the damage sustained have been faxed to you and have been acknowledged to be in your posession.
Also, photocopies of:
Info given to me by Cameron, in his handwriting, at the scene of accident, pictures of one of my two personal witnesses, who saw every detail leading up to, during, and after accident..
The following person damaged my bike and has cost me considerable time, money, and grief:
He is your client/cutomer:
One:
Cameron ********
**** N. ***** Ave. Apt.
*****, TX *******
(Parents phone I assume
Phone: 512-***-****
The offending parties, ("Cameron's) excuse and I quote, was that
"I'm not used to seeing that vehicle there, so I didn't see it.". ~End Quote~
(Sounds like a deer caught in the headlights only in reverse. With me being the victim. If we were
searching for metaphors.But we are both searching for resolutions to this incident.)
He, again, Cameron,did apologise many times, I'll give him that, and seemed genuinely sorry for the accident.
But, that is not an excuse in the world of commerce and capitalism.
And doesn't get my bike fixed and back on the road.
The offender is seen in the photocopies I have sent, and others I have and can and will
send if necessary.
His offending vehicle, pictures of a portion, a PORTION, of seeable damage caused to my bike.
The undisturbed crimescene.
Etc. etc. etc.
The police were called, but it's a private property, (civil) issue, of course.
A Crash Report, has as you know, been sent to Austin and arrived within the required time,
by me. You have been sent and possess at least two copies of the report.
My bike was my main source of two wheeled, economical, transportation before the accident.
Also,...
Even though it was a 1994 mo
upside down and inside out.
Still needs the MS Word treatment...but it's...calmer...more...professional.
[quote]
DATED: 12-20-2007
Re: Claim number and inaction of responsible parties
As you know...
On November 28th, 2007 at approximately 2:25pm:
Your client, Cameron ********, son of Don C. and Denise B. ******.backed his State Farm insured 2001 Chevy Blazer into my bike, which was parked in a non-reserved, public domain, open parking lot area, in an apartment housing lot environment.
At the time, I was helping a family member move into said apartments.
He, Cameron, backed his Chevy Blazer into my motorcycle with the bike coming to rest completely over onto it's side. Causing damage.
There is also evidence listed in the insurance damage estimate I sent, which you have reviewed, that he partially ran over on top of my bike then realizing that, drove forward, backing off my now considerably damaged motorcycle.
His and your issued policy number:
Policy number: **********************
SFPP 0213331925
Vehicle involved: 2001 Chevrolet Blazer
Drivers listed on policy :John, Denise, Erin, Cameron
The above events unfolded at the following address:
**** N.**** Ave
****** Tx. ******
At the time of the incident, I had parked my bike in the "middle" parking space, with a 3 car size, non-parking, (white striped) area to the left of my bike's space, and 4 empty parking spaces,
to the right.
My bike could be seen by anyone who was looking, clearly, from the approximately 30-35 yards after they turned into the apartment parking lot. My bike had been parked there for more than 10 minutes prior to Mr. Cameron ********* arrival on said property.
Photocopies of some, actually just a few, of the pictures I took with my digital camera
of the incident scene, some of the damage sustained have been faxed to you and have been acknowledged to be in your posession.
Also, photocopies of:
Info given to me by Cameron, in his handwriting, at the scene of accident, pictures of one of my two personal witnesses, who saw every detail leading up to, during, and after accident..
The following person damaged my bike and has cost me considerable time, money, and grief:
He is your client/cutomer:
One:
Cameron ********
**** N. ***** Ave. Apt.
*****, TX *******
(Parents phone I assume
Phone: 512-***-****
The offending parties, ("Cameron's) excuse and I quote, was that
"I'm not used to seeing that vehicle there, so I didn't see it.". ~End Quote~
(Sounds like a deer caught in the headlights only in reverse. With me being the victim. If we were
searching for metaphors.But we are both searching for resolutions to this incident.)
He, again, Cameron,did apologise many times, I'll give him that, and seemed genuinely sorry for the accident.
But, that is not an excuse in the world of commerce and capitalism.
And doesn't get my bike fixed and back on the road.
The offender is seen in the photocopies I have sent, and others I have and can and will
send if necessary.
His offending vehicle, pictures of a portion, a PORTION, of seeable damage caused to my bike.
The undisturbed crimescene.
Etc. etc. etc.
The police were called, but it's a private property, (civil) issue, of course.
A Crash Report, has as you know, been sent to Austin and arrived within the required time,
by me. You have been sent and possess at least two copies of the report.
My bike was my main source of two wheeled, economical, transportation before the accident.
Also,...
Even though it was a 1994 mo
Thread Starter
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,353
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From:
RE: Okay, is this letter better?
ORIGINAL: HAVOC
much better
. but watch out for the "aimless bumping" or it will get deleted
much better
. but watch out for the "aimless bumping" or it will get deleted
I was trying to bump it to drowned the other thread, which you had to end up closing because of...but I gotcha'. CRYSTAL!
Registered Users
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 2,360
Likes: 0
From: Chicago, IL (downtown)
RE: Okay, is this letter better?
well...BMG...being an attorney....i can tell you...although we use legal speak quite a bit, we don't like it and there is a HUGE movement to try and get rid of it to some degree...that being said...
the use of things like "said apartment" and "He, Cameron," is a very legalease-way to say things...you don't need to....sometimes, when people try to draft things that might be seen by lawyer or called into question later, they attempt to make it sound "official" or "legal" and it ends up sounding much more complicated than it should....
for example, you could have said "At the time, I was helping a family member move into a new apartment where the motorcycle was parked and subsequently struck."
i know it's not a ton better...but the removal of "said" makes it less legal-ish....
also a good rule of thumb is just to refer to the defendant as Mr. xxxxx so instead of saying "He, Cameron"...you could just say "Mr. xxxx backed into"....that's all...no need for the extraneous "he,"....
also sentences like this are just too much....you need to not try and write so properly....to the point that it sounds so....what i mean
for one...i don't quite know how that sentence even fits in...and should be revised...
also in persuasive writing...it's okay to advocate your side but the commentary should be kept to a minimum...your short tangents like ...
(Sounds like a deer caught in the headlights only in reverse. With me being the victim. If we were
searching for metaphors.But we are both searching for resolutions to this incident.)
these are completely unnecessary....i know your anger with the situation and your urge to express this to the insurance agency, but trust me, they don't care and will probably do the whole "look what this guy wrote" thing.....just write the facts and leave it at that....the facts is what will get you what you want...not commentary on how crappy the situation is....
DISCLAIMER: This is not legal advice in any way shape or form, I am merely expressing my opinions as it pertains to the style and form of the presented letter. These opinions are based upon my personal experience as well as educational background but do not represent any legal arguments and/or legal interpretation.
BMG...please don't take my comments as harsh criticism but rather constructive...i have spent years learning ways to write things differently...the biggest thing is learning who your audience and how they will perceive what you wrote...that being said, i think you need to think about your audience which is the insurance company.....IF...they don't respond...and you must seek legal action, the letter changes, but at this point...this is merely an informational letter hoping to stir up some activity....
the use of things like "said apartment" and "He, Cameron," is a very legalease-way to say things...you don't need to....sometimes, when people try to draft things that might be seen by lawyer or called into question later, they attempt to make it sound "official" or "legal" and it ends up sounding much more complicated than it should....
for example, you could have said "At the time, I was helping a family member move into a new apartment where the motorcycle was parked and subsequently struck."
i know it's not a ton better...but the removal of "said" makes it less legal-ish....
also a good rule of thumb is just to refer to the defendant as Mr. xxxxx so instead of saying "He, Cameron"...you could just say "Mr. xxxx backed into"....that's all...no need for the extraneous "he,"....
also sentences like this are just too much....you need to not try and write so properly....to the point that it sounds so....what i mean
"His offending vehicle, pictures of a portion, a PORTION, of seeable damage caused to my bike. "
also in persuasive writing...it's okay to advocate your side but the commentary should be kept to a minimum...your short tangents like ...
(Sounds like a deer caught in the headlights only in reverse. With me being the victim. If we were
searching for metaphors.But we are both searching for resolutions to this incident.)
(Sounds like a deer caught in the headlights only in reverse. With me being the victim. If we were searching for metaphors.But we are both searching for resolutions to this incident.)
....
But, that is not an excuse in the world of commerce and capitalism.
....
But, that is not an excuse in the world of commerce and capitalism.
DISCLAIMER: This is not legal advice in any way shape or form, I am merely expressing my opinions as it pertains to the style and form of the presented letter. These opinions are based upon my personal experience as well as educational background but do not represent any legal arguments and/or legal interpretation.
BMG...please don't take my comments as harsh criticism but rather constructive...i have spent years learning ways to write things differently...the biggest thing is learning who your audience and how they will perceive what you wrote...that being said, i think you need to think about your audience which is the insurance company.....IF...they don't respond...and you must seek legal action, the letter changes, but at this point...this is merely an informational letter hoping to stir up some activity....
