So in light of the new year like many others I have decided it is time for me to become more active and get in shape. Helping me in this adventure is my wife (who is still 120 pounds after eating junk food for pretty much 4 months straight, not me...) and a good friend of mine (who we will call Jacob for this story, cause well that is his name) so we all take our dogs out for a 3 mile walk every nightk, pretty quick pace cause my wife has turbo legs I think largley due to her chipmunk like motabolism but who knows. I had been doing this for about 2 weeks feeling pretty good about myself. Then one day I decide I am going to take this to the next level, I want to rollerblade after all I had a set when I was 12 it wasn't that hard right? Well after two days of searching every store in two towns I finally find a pair (Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to find a size 14 rollerblade?!?) my wife and I get home where I promptly strap the boots of death (the rollerblades) to my feet and stand up at which time I about fell back down... On carpet... You would have thought this would have been a clue to me but no, the rollerblades (which I will refer to as death boots from this point on) stayed firmly attached to me. So out the door I go where I remember there is a set of 5 stairs, made of cement with no hand rail, which I some how by flinging my arms around managed to get down (I am sure the neighbors pants where pee'd in by the time I got to the bottom.) have you ever seen somebody walk through a spiderweb? That is pretty much what I looked like for about 30 terrifying seconds as the death boots did their best to eject me from the stairs (they have it out for me I know it). So finally on safe flat cement, now by this time my wife had her rollerblades on (hers aren't death boots cause they didn't attempt to murder her) she comes flying out the door down the stairs and stops right in front of me like she was born with them on her feet. But I am ok, flat cement no problem.


So we take off to skate the trail along the river we have been skating when I encounter the death boots next attempt on my life. It was a downhill ruff road this is where I discovered something extremely important. I start down the hill with all the confidence in the world, after all I was 12 and I had this mastered right. Well all my confidence was gone in about 3 seconds when I started moving faster than I was comfortable with. Now this is where it gets fun(ny) I discovered I couldn't use the brakes, yeah that skill had apparently eluded me over the last 14 years. So here I am barreling down this road towards a gaurd rail (the path is just in front of it) with black berries on the other side. I start franticaly looking around for anything to grab onto first thought "WIFE, no I'll squish her for sure plus I think she suspects something from the look of terror on my face. She seems to be skating away from me. AH HA grass, I'll skate into the grass and come to an easy stop". So off to the grass I go, where the death boots imediatly STOP hurling my forward. So now I am moving just as fast as I was but my legs are no longer under me, they are behind me running as fast as they can with the stupid death boots trying to catch up. So by this time I am pretty well aware I have no idea what I am doing but I figure I'll just skate down a little bit and maybe I'll get a feel for it.

So we take off down the path first we encounter a hill which I climb with no problems (well, aside from looking like an idiot again flinging my arms around trying to get up the hill, but the death boots didn't make an attempt on my life there). Then the trail levels out and I start skating, picking up speed feeling pretty good. My legs start burning a little bit which is great I am getting a workout! So we skate a little while and decide to come back, I am pretty sure the death boots used this time to plot. We get to that hill that I so effortlessly climbed up and it occurs to me "Hey

 

Hahahaha better start wearing your riding gear while rollerblading - that includes your helmet.
I think I'll stick to weights...or just not caring anymore.

Anyway, funny story. Photos or video would have been sweet!

 

I'm sorry, I'm just too lazy to read that whole thing. That's one heckuva post!

 

+1

CliffsNotes anyone? j/k

 

Very entertaining story! The others must have A D D or something. Deathboots...you're killing me!

 

great story

 

+1 everytime i read "deathboots" i lost it

and to those who dont want to read it...do it! its soooo worth it

 

Great post. Funny as heck!!!! You painted the picture the whole time....

 

hahahah thanks for the laugh, thats sweet hahahah

note to self, deathboots discriminate