Ok I need some advice from the Dads here withyoung adult daughters. I have an 18 year old daughter who does not live in the same town as me and 99% of the time the only way to have contact with her is by cell phone, all her life she has had to learn everything the hard way sometimes I think she has the mentality of a 12 year old. I worry about this kid almost none stop cuz what you and I take for granted as common sense she makes the dumbest mistakes and pays for it( she lost her 1st pay check the other day whileat court <wont go into "why"she was there,it was another common sense thing> and she had signed it and everything, had to call her work to have the check canceled) she has been in and out of trouble since she was practicly born, her mom and I have been divorced for 16 years, not like it should matter but my daughter took it hard so know as an adult, she just does'nt do well, she angers easly likeover little things. I guess my qeustion to you guys is this.." even though your daughter is kinda a screw up you love her to death and want to always be there to help them cuz they are your little girl for life "

 

Ok, i don't fit your qualifications as a dad with a teenaged daughter, but i think i can offer some insite. i know its a typical sappy responce, but all any kid needs is love. Is there a reason that you don;t get to see her as much as you would like? does her mother try to keep you from seeing eachother? When i was growing up, my parents basically forced me to spend time with them, whether it be together, or alone. now, im 21 and my parents split up when i was 18. the time that i spent with them as a younger child made me realise things, like my parents are not my enemies, infact they are the best frineds i have. When i go home from school for a weekend, there are times i tell my girlfriend "yea i can't hang out right now i'm gonna go do X with my dad" and its my decision.
Spend time with your daughter, find out something she enjoys and take an interest in it. Even if you think its lame, just showing her that you support her will meen the world.
Common sence is a hard issue to handel, because even though it's "common" most people lack it. thats something that has to be learned over time, but you can teach her things like that by spending more time. I know it may seem like she's not going to want to hang out with her dad, but once it becomes a regular occurance, she will most likely be looking forward to the time.

hope i helped a little.

 

My oldest is only 12, so I'm not really speaking from experience, but..

At 18, your daughter is legally an adult, and in some ways her personality is already formed, but to dismiss her as a screwup seems harsh. I know you probably didn't mean for it to sound like that, but some of us just need a little longer to get our acts together. And as long as she's not doing anything, like getting pregnant or arrested (as an adult) or addicted, that will have lifelong consequences, I wouldn't worry too much.

I won't presume to know anything about how her upbringing affected her current behavior, but at this point I think you should just make sure she knows that you respect that she's an independent adult, but that you're still there for her no matter what, and that your relationship with her is really important to you. Tell her that as an adult she gets to decide how she spends her time and who she spends it with, but that you hope she chooses to spend some of it withthe old man.

Best wishes to both of you

 

Don't fill your qualifications to a tee, but as a NCO I have seen young people roll through the door from dysfunctional families with absentee parents ****ed up stepparents and those who have been raised by their grandparents. Most of them are seeking acceptance and often think deep down, there was something that they did to contribute to their parents divorce. I don't know how active a part you have played in her life won't judge you if you are an absentee parent and will commend you. If you have played an active role. That would put you in a minority group. It usually falls to others like myself to teach these young adults. Respect responsibility and Corps Values, which by the way is a very good book. which has more to do with living your life as an adult than it does the Marine Corps. On the subject of being in trouble, It is a well-known and widely accepted fact that most trouble makers in their younger years are seeking attention, which they usually receive and regardless of the manner in which the attention is given. It satisfies their need to be noticed also want to point something out temper is a taught behavior. If someone has a bad temper or angers quickly. It speaks volumes of the environment in which they were exposed to in their early years. My suggestion to you is to build a strong healthy relationship with her, unless you already have that. After that help her develop a pattern of good habits and explain in great detail how things work. And why they are the way they are. Things that should have been done much earlier in her life the commonsense issue will slowly correct itself with this process. Good luck

 

Thanks guys appriciate the responses. I guess really what I was tryin to say is..." No matter what, I want to sometimes just hold her and protect her from the harshness of life when it gets too much for her", is that wrong ?Maybe I worry too much about her, she lives about 2 hours away in Orange County, I got hera cell phone so she can call me anytime and I call her also to check in on her....but I still worry about her down there, she's in "Rancho Santa Margerita" some what of an upscale hood and alot of the kids there get into trouble pretty easy, she got into a bad crowd and got into some trouble with the OC authoritys and was in juvi twice and did a 6 month drug and alcohol stintat a place called Touch Stones in Orange this all acured when she was 15 to about 17, Ive tryed to get her to move to where I live but she likes it there in RSM....so I do the best I can from Big Bear and call her every other day. and check on her andencourage her and tell her she's doing good always tell her I love her. Oh and HARDCORP beleive me Ive thought about the military for her, don't think she could do it, maybe ? don't know

 

Hey Big Brother...I have a daughter that has turned 11 recently,so I don't have the "young adult" problems you have, yet, but I wish you well. You can only do your best. Didn't you know everything when you were her age? I did. You love her unconditionally, and that is all you can do. Continue to let her know that you are there for her, and that you love her. She will come back to you when the time is right. When you hold onto something with a tight grip, it does not work as well as when you offer an open hand. It may be hard for now, but she will appreciate it later...I promise.

 

FYI. Just cause the government says she's an adult, doesn't mean she's an adult. You do what you think is right. She's your daughter. Your flesh and blood.

 

CW wasn't trying to recruiter Her.We havea mentor program which goes much deeper than just the general military rules and regulations and that was where I was drawing my strength from for the post

But I will tell you from the time you step into those yellow footprints to the time you stand tall at graduation you will have grew up a hell of a lot

 

Apart from wot has already been said, The establishment of trust between you & your daughter is paramount. She needs to know that she can come to you if she has problems & that you will offer love & support, regardless.

 

Sink or swim is on her plate not yours.

You have done what you can as a parent and at the end of the day it's up to her to continue down a rocky path of irresponsibility or change directions and experience the finer things in life (without all the drama bull****).

All in all (like others have already stated) make sure she knows you are there for her to listen if she needs to talk, speak when she asks for advice, lend a shoulder when she wants to cry.

You cannot make decisions for her.

I don't mean to sound harsh but how good do you think it'll be if you coddle her thru herlife?

You can lead a horse to the water...ya know?

I hope the best for you, your daughterand this situation.