Ok, This is going to be weird for me ! but here goes. i have 2 kids with my ex i am not with anymore i don't get to see them very much, even though we live in the same town. i miss my kids so much but my ex is such a bit%h i can't stand it we went to court a couple years ago and got child support set up on one child .. and i really tried to be with her and work it out for the babys sake we coudn't. and i moved out i sill vistied her for the baby and sure enugh we had another child this time things were different all the way up till she had the baby then she flipped back in to her old self. now my youngest is 4 and my oldest is 8, and it is hard on me i see them once a month even though we went to court for child support and the arrangment is every other weekend .!! bah bah bah ! i am skipping this beacuse its not very intersting anyways . i am married now and we are talking about having childeren now ! i am excited but here inlays the problem i want to move out of this god forsake state but my kids are here ! so i feel like i can't leave them ! and i don't know what to do ! and the only reason i am asking on here is well i never really had a dad growing up. and i really really respect alot of you guys on this board even though we have never met ! i just don't know what to do what is right anything .. i am starting to lose sleep over it now ! i have talked to my wife and she understands but i feel really bad beacuse she has to be number 2 in my life and that sucks ! i just want to be with my kids and help raise them right . here is where i am going to get flamed ! i have a hard time watching tv or reading anything that has to dowith kids with out missing the crap out of my kids .. i would run to mexico with them and live out a happy life but i don;t haev enough money to do that ! right now i barley have enough to pay bills after child support and taxes ! so getting a laywer is not happing i haev been saving for 2 years to get one and all i got is 300 and the cheapest lawyer told me a min of 5 grand to start the court stuff upfront ! so i am sol .. i am so besides myself rigt now . i need soe advice please anything hell i will even take go jump in a lake losser at this point !

 

and before somebody says it to me i know i need to go back to school to learn about paragraphs ! and punaction (sp) and probel spelling

 

i would hope your wife WOULD understand that you're kids are #1 and she's #2. you're kids.....YOU'RE kids should ALWAYS BE #1 in you're life.

 

Ditto. Children are the future. They should be placed as priority. I can't really give you any advice because I would hate for it to go wrong, or it be taken the wrong way. I'm glad you want to do the right thing for your kids though.

 

Well, you'll get a thousand answers to this but heres my take. Be with your kids as much as you can, never pass an oppurtunity to spend time with them. Never miss a chance to send them a card for any holiday, let them know they are in your thoughts at every moment. As they age, help them understand that although things didn't work out for you and their mom, you still love them and that your old relastionship doesn't affect how you love them. Be there for them in every respect. Also, and this is very important, and also hard to do, GET ALONG WITH THEIR MOTHER!! Yea it sucks, but thats the difference in nice, pleasant meetings and get-togethers, more time with your kids, and fighting to see them, money, cops, court so on......Yoy two don't have to agree on anything other than that your children are important to both of you and you both want what is best for them and also that you both have the right and the need to see them and have quality moments. She might be a total C U Next Tuesday, but if you can't get along and keep things agreeable, then the road gets a hell of allot bumpier. Your divorce decree should easily state what your rights are, and you should use them. As for having children again. I'd think that youd be extra special carefull and sure of things this go-round, but thats up to you. As for your kids with the Ex, see them as much as possible, even if your broke, youd be suprised what kids will remember as quality moments. That multi-thousand dollar trip to disneyland might not be as good as an afternoon of playing ball, watching them draw a picture, or teaching them something. My kids remember the little things, like taking them fishing, teaching them how to shoot, playing ball, a game of freeze tag, the expensive things hardly get mentioned, their minds are more pure as kids, they want you, not your money. (for now anyway, lol)
By the way, did you get that wind-screen trim yet? I sent it earlier in the week?

 

"go jump in the Lake", im just messin with yah man. it really sucks that u only get to c them once a month. why is that even though it is supposed to be everyother week? is it your sched or the ex just being f'ed up? wut god foresaken state do you live in?

 

first i was never married to her thank god ! and the god forsaken state is az ~ ! its too fing hot here! and nothing to do .. i mean i can ride all year but i like to hunt, fish, enjoy grass and water none of that is here in az ! !i try to spend as much time as i can with them. when ever i have them i do stuff with them childerens museum , desert museum, old tucson crap like that besides stuff like bbq and swimming and just hanging out togther. i just miss them so so so much. please keep this going with ideals guys belive it or not its helping ! thanks agian guys !


and shocktroop nothing yet but i am sure its sitting in the apt office ! i will check in the morning !

 

If the arrangement is every other weekend, shouldn't you have them twice a week? I think its illegal for her to deny you court appointed visitation. You could also go to court for more custody or something. Not a parent but I watched alot of Judging Amy crap last month.

 

talk to ur baby mother and try to come to an agreement, start wit her so u can make things right between urselfs so she doesnt have so much hatered towards u and vise versa. the better u are wit ur baby mama the more time u will get wit ur kids. use things like "can i come pick my babies up so u can have a lil break from the kids" just try to work somethin out cuz i know how it fells i will have only seen my son and daughter 2 weeks in between oct 2006 and jan 2008. i hate the fact that i cant see them (6000 miles away) but im dealin wit it. i hope things get better for u. a father doesnt need advice just learn as u go

 

The cornerstone of my recent divorce decree was the visitation schedule. I'm entitled to "half" of my Son's custody. I took a huge calender, and divided the year up. Works out so He's with me every weekend, most holidays, and June-July consecutive. Every year until He's 18. If His Mom moves, I'll follow them. My boy knows I'm there for Him and when we're together He feels loved and nurtured. I didn't (don't) get that paternally and I can say from my experience that there is no substitute. I commend your bravery in posting sensitive personal information, as it gave me the nerve to post this. Good relations with other parent also paramount to child's allover well-being. I "eat crow" every time I talk to Momma, with His welfare asthe priority, not my issues with a woman who has actually called the Lincoln Co. Sherrif outto check His "Health andwelfare". Luckily I've always had the best of contacts with Law Enforcement. Never let child feel bad relations are their fault. It's only my experience, but those are the bad things that effed me up so I effed things up. I feel I've matured more rapidly since my "Boo-Boo" came onto the planet. For me, being an excellent Father is like being an excellent motorcyclist ; It's not something you can be, it's something you are as a result of countless little choices, which lead to variable actions and perceptions, whichthen produces that "atmosphere"which cannot exactly be put into words. Everything's gonna be okay, brother.