Ever get the feeling that vegetarians consider themselves morally superior to you? Like they think that not eating meat makes them so special that their **** doesn't stink? As if when someone stops eating meat, they suddenly become holy and dignified and it excuses them for the years of inconvenience and frustration they inevitably inflict upon their friends, family and co-workers who just want to go to a restaurant and order a damn steak without constantly being reminded that they're going to hell for eating an animal that spends most of its life ****ting in a field. There are those of us who don't have a hyperactive sense of guilt and we don't give a **** about your mixed up self-righteous moral vegetarian agenda.

"I can't eat meat." The four worst words to hear when you're going to a restaurant with someone. I literally cringe every time I hear those words because I know it means that we have to drive around the city for 2 hours looking for some restaurant that serves "friendly" burgers, which ironically look and taste exactly like hamburgerswhich vegetarians object to eating because it's either A) gross or B) murder. If it's so gross, then why go out of your way to eat something exactly like it, *******? It's funny how vegetarians suddenly stop bitching about murder as soon as you point out their fancy leather belt or shoes, or that they drive a car and use electricity which contributes to polluting the earth and contaminating everything including the precious animals that they refuse to eat.

Well I'm tired of it. So what I've decided to do is sponsor a vegetarian! It's easy and spiteful, and we all know how much fun spiting people is! I'll explain..

What does it mean to sponsor a vegetarian? It means that you have to find someone in your life who's a really big pain in everyone's *** every time you want to go out to eat, and then you commit yourself to eating THREE times the amount of meat you'd normally consume to make up for all the meat that your vegetarian buddy isn't eating. It's that simple! That way, you can reverse the guilt trip that they've been laying on us for years by not only neutralizing their cause, but making it actually worse by eating more animals than would have ever been eaten had they not chosen to become vegetarians!


What if vegetarians say they don't care because we'll become fat by sponsoring them? I've thought about that already. All you have to do is exercise. I know it goes against the being lazy rule that I advocate so much, but this is so spiteful that it more than makes up for the exercise you'll have to dowhich means that if you choose the 3 to 1 plan and sponsor a vegetarian, you're being so spiteful that you can't lose! If you have a choice, eat three separate types of animal to maximize your efficiency! Only offered beef? No problem: visit the zoo and eat a monkey!

The best part of it is that this plan is bullet proof. Finally those of us who don't have our heads firmly planted up our asses (with respect to vegetarianism, don't get me wrong, most people still need a crowbar up side the head) have a tool to combat these moral elitists!

-Maddox

 

monkey's are delicious.... Im in.

 

i say the same goes for abstinence. for every guy out there not having sex im going to have more !

 

'my darling, you not eating?'

 

Vegetables have feelings too (or so I'm told)
So, if you can't eat meat, or veggies.......
Maybe I'll live on beer......... Oh damn, the hops and barley are screaming.......
Yep, Dr F, monkeys, monitor lizards and snake, too - all good .......

 

I don't remember the comedian that said it, but I really like the joke. Paraphrasing it goes something like, "If God didn't want me to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat!"

 

im down... ill start it on thanksgiving, only problem is im gonna need like 50lbs of turkey cause theres so many dam vegetarians in my family[:'(]. It really makes it a PITA cause for thanksgiving u always gotta have 2 of all the dishes one with one without meat. Two stuffing, two gravy, twospinach caserole, etc.

 

LOL. thats funny. Im in. that is always my favorite as well about the belts and shoes, and purses.. Or their nice leather car seats... Its rediculous. I chock up vegitarians righ up there with the ****'s. Most of them really do look down on your for eating meat. I dont look down on people for eating cats and dogs from other countries, but I dont do it, but hey, I hear it tastes like chicken.

I swear, something happens to them mentally from not getting proper nutrition that makes them have absolutely no common sense. If you ever meet someone without common sense, good chance thier a vegatarian.

I cant remember the video, but speaking of animal rights and crap, this women was protesting the running of the bulls... and a bullran its horns into her like 15 times, nocked her unconscious, knocked out teath.. the whole bit. in the hospital for weeks. I never laughed so hard in my life. Is that wrong?