The planet Earth is six thousand years old. Well that's gonna really **** off the Colorado, which worked it's *** off for five million years to c.reate a magnum opus in the Grand Canyon. Way to short-change the staggering time scale required to bring an infinite variety of scenery and life to empty space...you egocentric myopic ****ing retards.


So a double negative equals a positive, right, what about a double positive? Still the same? Yeah, right.

 

where did you hear that one spirit? lol

 

"I'm gonna be late because _______________" fill in the blank

*some of my favorites include:
1.) I ran out of gas.
2.)I don't have a ride (in a city with public transport)

and my personal favorite (and I swear to you this is what actually came out of his mouth):

3.)My car got towed by an illegal towing company so I can't get you a reciept. I called the police but they said they wouldn't write a police report because there was nobody to write a ticket for, and my friend that was with me is on a plane back to Japan so he can't call anytime soon.

 

how about...



EVERY SINGLE TIME I WALK IN WITH FULL LEATHERS, HELMET GLOVES ECT ECT.. into any fast food restaraunt.. ever.. you pick it every single time

the dumb, retarded, moron behind the counter who's working for 3cents an hour askes me in broken english..












"will this be fore here or to go?"



/stabs them in the face

 

There was a solar eclipse years ago, and I told my EMT class that looking at the eclipse could cause blindness; you had to look at it through a pin-hole system or welder's masks to prevent burning of the retina (back of the eyeball).

One student asked, "Well, if eclipses are so bad for us, why do we have them?"

 

Another classic...I'm on the side of the road changing a flat tire. Buddy pulls up and says:

"Got a flat?"

My response, "No, I rotate the tires every 10,000 miles no matterwhe.re the hell I'm at."

 

 

^^ Can't get those clowns back?? im going to have a... nevermind.

 

i started a local bike night at a nearby Chipotle, me and my g/f are inside ordering food and one of the guys that showed up came in and got in line behind us. my g/f....in a leather Icon jacket, me........in a leather A* jacket......he looks at us and says "yeah, i guess today's not a bad day to wear a jacket". my response........."everyday is a good day to keep my skin"

 

How about...every single word that comes out of Matt Lauer...omg, I love Olympics time, but American commentating ranks 492nd in the world. Bob Varsha why hast thou forsaken us?![]

Maybe Jules will let me come over and watch it on BBC...I bet they do it right...minimalist on the theme music, fewer commercials, and no slack-jawed Connecticut morning show pillock. God I just need a happy pill or something. [:-]