While I'm sure the majority of you will opt for Clean and free, I'm curious to see if anyone else would justify (my) time spent in a "Gilded cage". When I got divorced (one year ago this week) I had everything money could buy; a huge house,fleet of vehicles, closets of clothes, pantry full of food, etc. My wife and I ran our own business, the money was good and the hours easy. What I didn't have was a partner. She had control of the money and scared off my friends, and had a long-running affair with her high-school sweetheart. I stayed in it because I was afraid of being cold, hungry, lonely and homeless. I spent the first half of my life that way.
But then my son was born and I realized I didn't wish to teach him to settle for less than he deserves.
So here I am, cold, hungry, lonely, and in an empty cabin which is up for sale. The good news is that I am no longer a slave to whiskey, pot, and ****.Chastity is preferable to sex with someone I loathe. Fear doesn't rule my actions. I wish I had known, twenty years ago, I was making a choice. I hope none of you makes my mistakes. Pace, Gris.

 

Although I came out of my divorce in great shape, I know what you are saying. I feel like I wasted 17 years. Oh well, live and learn.

 

Wow... that's about the only thing I can really say... but I'll muster up and share my thoughts.

I would have said "gilded cage" and told you to find yourself someone to enjoy an "affair" with, since your, now ex, was doing so. You'd have the money, the stuffs, and your good times. Hell, bring it out in the open and go for the "Swinger" lifestyle for all I care...

That all changed when you said you had a son. You made the right choice. Divorce is hard to grow up with, I'm sure, but at least it happened early on. Maybe you'll find the right person and be able to show him what's right in life. You made a good call man... well done and stick it out. Your kid's what matters... not material things. Well done, as well, for getting away from pot and whiskey and everything. Way to be a man.

 

Clean and freakin' free, brother.

I tell you what, I remember when you first told us about this. It's literally one of the VERy few stories I've ever heard a MAN tell. Kudos to you, man.

I've went through a similar thing but thankfully it wasn't becasue of getting my heart broken or my life upside down (well, kinda). In any case, it's like a, "wake-up" moment when it finally hits you. You knew it before but something prevented you from telling yourself it made sense. Then one day, it just made sense. Yours came in the form of a child - doesn't get any better.

Children are the sun and moon of the universe, man. Nurturing a child is about the single most selfless thing a person can do, IMO. Too many people get caught up in all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. It seems people are more afraid of being alone than having self-respect.

You, my friend, made that distinction. And for every kid in the world who didn't have a father in their life, you now make the world go 'round.

How's it feel when that little guy looks up at ya? Tell you what, if I were in your shoes, I don't know that life could get any better. Simple living, you've got a bike - and you've got the one thing in life that makes life worth living, your boy. I don't mean to sound like if you don't have kids, your life is meaningless.

It's just kind of a secret club for parents. As much as you can see it, you'll just never feel it until you've one of your own.

Take care, Raven - where's Rippn' when we need his solemn words.

(Where has that guy been, anyway? Anyone?)

 

I'm sutch a noob ! This was intended to be a poll! Ah well, everything happens for a reason. The truth is I feel incredibly lucky to have this little kid in my life. I had one foot in the grave before he came along. I was just putzing along, never taking risks, not having any goals or aspirations. Living with an "Emotional Vampire" had deadened my spirit and completely emasculated me. It all changed when I held my son in my arms for the first time. When I realized I am responsible for his upbringing, my life's path became crystal clear. Where everything was gray and foggy before, it became black and white ; How do my actions effect my son? Nothing else even matters. I'm tough as nails, I can hack anything the world can throw at me, if I look at it from that perspective. He's growing up so fast! I feel that now, during his formative years, I can afford to put my life on hold (I can use a respite, actually) and really focus on his developement. I know it won't be long before he starts making up his own mind about the way the world works. I just want to give him the benefits of my experiences and lessons, while I still have his attention. If you could see us together, you'd smile. People often comment on what an amazing pair we make. When I get talking about him, I can go for hours, but I'll quit, here. The library only allows me to use the computer for an hour, and I want to read some of your posts. Thanks for not calling me a "pink man-hole". Peace, Gray.

 

Brother, you're making a fine pops. Coming from that perspective- isn't it pretty tough to imagine how some folks simply don't give a **** about their kids? Just another reason the whole cop thing wasn't working for me.

Had to deal with complete drains on society 95% of the time, and real bad guys the other 5%. That **** can tax you pretty quick. It's like you said sort of, " an emotional vampire." I tell ya, when you go into someone's home and you see a toddler eating a damn filthy doughnut, playing in dirt - IN THE HOUSE, and the mom or dad just sitting there getting stoned or drunk. And you can't really do much because the law doesn't say people who are scum can't have kids.

Sorry for the rant. Talking about kids gets me too, lol.

Most people wouldn't want to see how the other half of society lives and treats their own.

Gray, take care of that boy man and rest easy. You're a good soul and you're quality of life will be better because of it. And that's really what it's all about; quality of life. Not quantity.

 

This is similar to what battered women go through. They stay in because they have been beaten down so bad that they no longer feel any self worth. I would have to say that you did the right thing. Stay strong man, it will work out in the end, especially because you are taking care of yourself. How can you take care of anyone else if you can't take care of yourself? Be strong, we've all got shoulders for you to lean on.

 

Gris...you know how I feel. Nothing but love and support for you,my friend!!!

 

I'm probably not a good reference point, been married 3 times, but.....
Everyone, both sexes, get burned at some time or other, be it a long term relationship, or just someone you fall maddly in love with. It always leaves you feeling vulnerable, foolish, mistrusting & weeks, maybe months of self examination/incrimination as to why you didn't see it coming & you could have done this, should have done that.
Just as all relationships are different, so are people, so it does not mean the next girl you meet is going to the same as the last. Which is probably the biggest hurdle to jump over: Trust.

As for "Free as a bird" V's "Guilded Cage", I went for the later twice, but met someone & it took a good while, but we have been together now for 30 years, married for 26. Ok there are times when I wish that I was a single guy again, usually for selfish reasons. but I know if I didn't got through all the crap with the 1st two, would never have found her.
Just get on with your life, if you find someone, then good, if you don't, the good as well, if thats what you want.

 

You all (y'all) warmed my heart & fed my spirit. Your friendship makes me feel like I belong here, though I've been an outcast my entire life. Thanks to you, I'm less cold, hungry, lonely and homeless.

During my formative years, ages 6 thru 12, I lived in the slums and ghettos of Europe. I saw, first-hand, the brutal savagry of life on the streets. I learned that to show weakness was to invite attack. Living on the Rez had taught me to rise above such animalistic behavior, but I knew enough to appear tough to stay safe.
What disillusioned me the most, as an adult, about being a Law Enforcement Officer (L.E.O.) was seeing that same brutality being fostered in the L.E.O. community (watch out for the U.S.Park Police!). Another reason I got fed up was that the supervisors, by their nature, were reactionary, desk-bound civil servants, awaiting a pension. Nobody cared about The Mission, or showed any compassion or sympathy for society. Not all L.E.O's. are bad and I feel that they are the most unappreciated, overworked and underpaid group I've ever worked with.

As to spousal battery...I was shocked to my core when I realized I was a victim! My Ex used to make me feel like a piece of poop every damn day! Sometimes by lunch, but always by dinner. It was a psychological beating and an emotional bullying. She'd make a nasty comment or degrading gesture and it was like a knife in the back. She would kick me when I was down with cruel efficiency. I have low self-esteem issues and she took advantage.

I don't feel that I can ever fully trust a woman again and I'll be damned before I ever marry again, even if Uma Thurman proposed! I have been, and will be, careful to teach my son a healthier outlook on the fairer sex but, for me, there are too many scars.

I'm going to pick my boy up this afternoon, for my weekend custody. We are going to laugh, and play, and picnic in the forest with my wolf. I'll check back in with y'all next week. Pace, Gris.

"There is no greater natural advantage in life than having an enemy overestimate your faults, unless it was to have a friend underestimate your virtues."___Vito Corleone.