MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE[/align] A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:[/align] "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. [/align] Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.[/align] After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender." [/align] *******************************[/align] MALE PROCEDURE:[/align] 1. Drive up to the cash machine.[/align] 2. Put down your car window.[/align] 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.[/align] 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.[/align] 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.[/align] 6. Put window up.[/align] 7. Drive off.[/align] *******************************[/align] FEMALE PROCEDURE:[/align] Unfortunately, most of this part is the Truth.!!!![/align] 1. Drive up to cash machine.[/align] 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.[/align] 3. Set parking brake, put the window down.[/align] 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.[/align] 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.[/align] 6. Attempt to insert card into machine.[/align] 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.[/align] 8. Insert card.[/align] 9. Re-insert card the right way.[/align] 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.[/align] 11. Enter PIN.[/align] 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.[/align] 13. Enter amount of cash required.[/align] 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.[/align] 15. Retrieve cash and receipt.[/align] 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.[/align] 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.[/align] 18. Re-check makeup.[/align] 19. Drive forward 2 feet.[/align] 20. Reverse back to cash machine.[/align] 21. Retrieve card.[/align] 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided![/align] 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.[/align] 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.[/align] 25. Redial person on cell phone.[/align] 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.[/align] 27. Release Parking Brake.[/align]

 

That is pretty funny. The atm method I use is the same one I use when I make love. Insert, push a couple of buttons, and succesfully withdrawl about twenty-five seconds later...

 

Yeah, I was thinkingalong those linestoo (when I first read the subject line), but I washopingI would see some hot ***-to-mouth action here. What a disappointment! LOL!

 

thats great

 

Do you get money out of it?

 

HAhaha, so true (atleast in my cases).

 

old but still funny

 

I thought you were talking about my girlfriend!!! LOL!!

 

I got 2 good ones...

[hr]

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get some PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name. "Stanley," responds the little boy. "And what is your question, Stanley?" "I have 4 questions: First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?" Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don't have health insurance? Just then, the bell rings for break. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after break. When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, It's question time. Who has a question?" A different little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name. "Little Johnnie" he responds. "And what is your question, Little Johnnie?" "Actually Sir, I have 6 questions: First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don't have health insurance? Fifth, why did the break bell go off 20 minutes early? And sixth, what the he## happened to Stanley?"


[hr]



When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to
make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn
Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing
number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that
anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to
call her, I fo und that I had accidentally transposed the last two
digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a**hole!" and
hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'a**hole' next to it, and
put it in my
desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a
really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a**hole!"
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'a**hole' calling
would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar
with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back
and said, "That's because you're an a**hole!" and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in
his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first a**hole (I had His
number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW a**hole,
too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He
said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax . It's a yellow
rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."
I asked, "What's your name?"
He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"
I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're an a sshole!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I
had a problem,