We take no blame for this at all Kiwi's TK, JK and others that just might feel a little offended. We received an email from a forum member who I won't name (thanks Robster ) with the following:

Now.........


Kia Ora Mr and Mrs Bear,

With your pinding travels to New Zuland in in a couple of weeks (early Fib isn't it?)....... we took it upon ourselves to gather some travel teps for you from the "Smartraveller Website"..........and we'd like to shear these with you!

Counting the days now until your trep to NewZuland..............must be time to start pecking your suitcases!

Now we know "Ki Wi speak" is very difficult to decipher........so for bist effict read out loud!

TOP TEN TRAVEL TIPS FOR NEW ZEALAND

1. Take Ki Wi Inglish Classes before boarding theSivven four Sivven earoplane.......to ensure some type of sensible conversation whilst visiting New Zealand.

2. Practice dilligently the Ki Wi pronunciations.........and try NOT to get "six" and "sex" mixed up, or you could find yourself in all sorts of trouble!

3. Watch your belongings very carefully in beggage chucken and chuckout.........can't trust those Ki Wi's........look what they do with their sheep!

4. Whilst on that topic.............never, never shear your sheep!........and try not to be too traumatized by some of the images, you will be confronted with in relation to the treatment of sheep! (We have included a couple of images to prepare you! - see below)

5. Always dress appropriately for the wither...........definitely no togs or jandals whilst riding the motorbikes!

6. Eat plenty of fush and chups and Ki Wi fruit (always remove hiry skin fom Ki Wi fruit before consumption...a plastic knife/spoon will be essued on arrival!)....

Oh almost forgot.......eat plenty of Mainland cheese......your frund in the frudge!

7. Remember to always carry a sucks peck of Cider, a sucks peck of Ale, a bottle of Gin and a nice bottle of Aussie Red Wine in your Chilly Bin at all times!

8. Under no circumstance do you admit to being an Aussie.......not unless you like having the "pess" taken out of you.

9. Familiarise yourself with their National Sport -Rugby Union........and pretend to know "all there is to know" about the All Blacks and their players.

10. Practice the "haka" until you have it down pet!

And........................always remember the Ki Wi's are your frunds not your innermies!

Seriously you two...... have a great trip, enjoy the break,the riding and the company!

Rob and Kez xx





Well TK, you'll be pleased to know I'll be leaving the velcro gloves and gum boots behind, but I will be packing my new helmet!



This is going to sooooooooo much fun

Cheers, SB

 

Oh, ha ha, it's very easy to take the p1ss out of the Kiwi's and our lack of accent isn't it?

Last laugh is on you Seb, I have alerted the guys at Queenstown Customs that there may be a particularly romantic engagement proposal coming in this Friday.

 

Ready to assume to position and clench for all it's worth



(Possibly less than) Cheers, SB

 

Stone the flamin' crows Seb, what the flamin' heck do ya think ya doin'?

Mate.....why don't ya just crack open a coldie and throw another snag on the barbie.......and leave our dear cousins across the water alone?

Who's this "Robster" chick anyway?........not the type ya wanna be mixing with!

PS: Phew.......glad to hear ya leavin' ya gumboots and gloves at home.......had me worried there for a while!

 

I can assure all interested members that I have been putting lots of feelers out to try and ensure that Mr & Mrs Seb enjoy their time in NZ.

I absolutely appreciate someone taking the effort to come and visit a country that Henry Cole just can't get enough off.

Yeah, maybe we talk a bit funny, but honestly; go for a ride on an old bike in this country, and you will meet new friends every time you stop.

 

This Henry Cole?

Travel Channel Australia | Our Presenters: Henry Cole

Or the Childrens book presenter...........

or the English civil servant (15 July 1808 – 18 April 1882)??

I get the feeling it may be the former. May have to look up his work.

Always loved NZ and this will be about my 10th visit and looking forward to it hugely.

Thanks TK

Cheers, SB

 

Yeah, that guy. Can't find the NZ episodes on Youtube, but believe me, he loved the place (and he's been around)

 

Hi Kiwi TK,

My apologies if any offence was taken from the above email, it was sent purely as a bit of fun and no disrespect was intended!

I have a very good work friend who is a Kiwi, and we constantly stir each other about our accents.....or lack thereof!

I.....along with many other members of this forum, do appreciate that you have obviously gone to a lot of effort for Mr and Mrs SB.

I guess us Aussies have a "unique" dry sense of humour, which can be misunderstood at times.........but I will conclude by saying, whilst we'll often have a lend of others (in good fun!).......we are pretty good at having a lend of ourselves as well.....and copping it on the chin, as they say!

Cheers,
Robster

 

hmm wonder if this would be the right time to post the ASSA sign ?

 

.................................................. .......................^^^^^^

Thanks Sprock, much appreciated!

It's Official now

Cheers, SB