I just lost my neighbour, Tom 96 years old ..no, this isnt a sad story ..on the contrary I think this is a good story.

Let me explain, a little over 4 years back I worked in St Johns Hospice here for a while providing palliative care for those in the final stages of cancer .. it was our job to make them as comfortable as possible and let them have that personal touch and friendship you just dont get in hospital ..it was mostly heartbreaking, you form bonds with these people and even though you know they are going to die its still a wrench when it happens .. most of these people are older ..60s and 70s but one or two were only mid 30s, one guy I nursed was only 35 and had been a successful business man, he had a wife and two children ..towards the end this man made a decision to only let his wife see him and no longer bring the children in ..God this still breaks my heart [] .. it ws upsetting for the children to see their father like this, that last day that he said goodbye to his children, knowing he would never see them again as his wife led them away will stick in my mind forever ..........

So, to Tom ..when I moved into the cottage I knew he was in his 80s perhaps and he was very sprightly, still drove a car and drove like a demon too ... him and his wife used to go ballroom dancing together, he was always happy and talkative ..his enthusiasm for life was the same as that of someone half his age or less. When his wife passed away after about a year he got another girlfriend, yes a sprightly gal in her 80s ..lol ..for several years those two would be out and about in the car and taking little touring holidays everywhere .. Tom just never seemed to age, each year he looked the same and alwasy happy .. a couple of weeks ago he complained to me he no longer felt the same about life and felt that he had had enough, told me he was 96 and felt it was near his time ...he made it to 2009 and went quietly in his sleep a couple of days ago ...

Thats the way to go isnt it, a long healthy life through to old age and then quickly go down hill without even going to hospital ..this isnt sad at all in my opinion, he had a good life he always told me, did most things he wanted to do and now he has moved on, no pain ..no suffering :-)

RIP Tom and thank you for the friendship of the last few years

Jules

 

Its just you see so much suffering in my line of work ... and not just the patient, its the families that visit and the children, its truly heart breaking .. a couple of the other neighbours kept saying oh isnt it so sad about Tom ..but all I could think of was, you have no idea ..in the time I knew him he told me he had done everything he really wanted to do .. he was in WW2, survived that and came home and married ..had a family and the same wife (til death us do part) .. I know her death broke his heart, a lot of people this age die quite quickly when they lose a life partner but he picked himself up again after a year and lived again :-) ... he didnt go into a nursing home to waste away and dribble in front of the TV ..hell he was driving just two weeks ago even though I knew he was not himself anymore ... he was finally alone again in life and ready to go ...

Jules

 

So true, my Father died a month after my Mother. We said something similar about my dad, he had a good life, a good wife, two good kids, never went broke, and didn't suffer to long. I guess it all anyone could ask for.

 

Yes, its true ..you literally can die of a broken heart ..not when younger, granted, but certainly when older ... when the heart is broken and the spirit no longer wishes to continue the body when frail will follow suit and quickly wind down ...


Jules

 

Guess he wasn´t getting laid enough.






On a serious note...It is pretty impressive that he lasted so long after his wives death. Most men usually don´t last a year after their wives pass, like my Grandfather. NOW as for Tom...well, Tom reminds me of my family´s good friend who passed long ago... He was retired Rear Admiral in the US Navy. During WWII he was the chief engineer responsible for bringing home the U-505 (look this up to read about him), a German Submarine that was captured during WWII. We used to take our family vacation at his house in Potter County, PA. I think he had more energy then many men at 45. He lasted for what seemed like forever after his wife passed. Drove like a madman, too.

 

Yes, he was down a good year when she died and I did worry about him but then he just seemed to pick up again and got back out there ..he met his new woman at the dancing classes they used to do, known her for years before so they kinda just started hanging out together for companionship, it was really sweet :-)

Every day Tom would get up and go out for the papers in the car, I happened to be leaving for the village at the same time one day and the country lane we live down ..well, lets just say I had a devil of a job keeping up with him ..he was mad, barking I tell you ..lol but you could tell his reactions and ability were all still very sharp!! :-) ..I really do believe all the dancing and constant activity is what kept him going

Jules

 

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your neighbor Jules. It sounds like he lived a good full life and realized it was his time and was ready to go.

 

I thought we were getting rid of these threads that talked about death?

 

Were we??

..anyway I thought this thread was not so much about death as "life" and living it well :-)

Jules