[quote]


Twenty-six things a perfect guy would do,
and other propaganda disseminated by misguided women.
[color=#c8c5d8][size=5]Someone recently sent me an email titled 26 things a perfect guy would do. I thought "hmm, nobody could possibly send me anything so stupid, it can't possibly be as dumb as it sounds." I stand corrected. The email was just as advertised: a wish list of how women supposedly want men to act, as if men in this country weren't already an episode of Friends away from turning into giant walking vaginas.
I never thought I'd ever read anything that would induce my gag reflex so quickly, and this is after having read the details of an **** prolapse that a friend sent me tonight. Here is the abridged list (because the full list might literally cause you to barf on your keyboard, and frankly, it's not worth reading), followed by my response to each "thing" that a "perfect guy would do:"
1. Know how to make you smile when you are down!
When will women realize that they don't live on the set of a romantic comedy? Unless making you smile involves me playing video games while you cook me a steak, you're in for a disappointment. You don't think guys ever feel "down?" The door swings both ways, bitch.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
What? Why the hell would I want to smell a woman's hair? It smells bad enough with all the sprays and perfume they use. Enough with the conditioners, sprays, and cream already; that **** makes my eyes water. What the hell is conditioner anyway?
3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.
Translation: bail you out when you fail at life, but never bring it up during conversations.
4. Give you the remote control during the game.
This one is inherently stupid because it implies that all guys like to watch "the game." Since I'd rather be shot in the chest with projectile diarrhea than watch "the game," I'll assume the author meant something worthy of watching, such as Ren & Stimpy, in which case you need to put the bitch down if she touches your remote.
5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
LAME. Who has time for this? Sounds like something out of a herpes commercial where some lady is rock climbing or doing something else which symbolizes her independence, then out of nowhere she blurts out "I HAVE HERPES." The music gets all serious and you hear a voice over "...there is no cure," cue inspirational music "but treatment is available." Then it cuts to a shot of the bitch on a beach and a guy runs up behind her and puts his arms around her. Good job dumbass, you're dating a skank with herpes.
6. Play with your hair.
Again with the hair? Women never play with the hair on my back, why the double standard?
7. His hands always find yours.
This is one of those things women read and say "AWW HOW ROMANTIC." I have news for you: holding hands is stupid. Women don't know the first thing about being romantic. Only lesbians hold hands anyway; allow me to explain. The only time it's acceptable to hold hands with anyone is if you're at a peace vigil. Guys don't go to peace vigils, period. If you do, you have to surrender your ***** and get a sex transplant because you're a bitch; in either case, you're a woman, and when two women hold hands it can only lead to one thing as far as I'm concerned.
[color=#000000][size=3]8. Be cute when he really wants something.
Bull****. When I want something, I yell. If she can't hear me in the kitchen, sometimes I'll threaten beatings if I'm

 

that is fackin funny as hell

 

Tell us how you really feel

 

I take it Telgen doesn't get much "action"
Yes, sometimes women expect WIERD things from us, but his reactions to it would go over like a "dirty sanchez"

Drive 5 hours just to see her for 1? Hell yeah, ...
...as long as I'm riding there, and there are some good twisties on the way.

 

hey I thought it was funny as hell and pass it on... its one of those stupid messages you see people pass on all the time. thought the reaction was good

 

Oh, ok my appologies, I thought those were your opinions, Yes, I agreee it is funny because it is so outlandish/over the top,

but it seems if it were someone's real attitude, they would be shooting themselves in the foot as far as having any chance of getting laid, among other things.

 

the guy who wrote it actually has published a book and has one of the busiest sites on the net

 

One thing I learned in this forum is if there is a post with a lot of text, read some replys BEFORE you waste your time reading the whole story.

For anybody else who does the same thing, I will tell you that this post is worth reading. Very Funny!

 

I like to read first its kinda like opening a present on christmas that you will either like or not and if i dont you will hear about it...

 

I thought there were some very relivant points! Nice find I am glad you stopped there I wasn't able to take much more either.