Man Laws - Add more if you have them
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10-18-2006, 11:33 AM
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Man Laws - Add more if you have them
# Man Law on Refrigerators: The garage refrigerator is for beer only. It's not about the space; it's about drawing a line. A Man from NC adds: in the event that an attractive female party guest is wearing a thong, all beer shall be promptly moved to the bottom shelf of the fridge. Our Man in Vermont wonders why this is an issue. His Man Law: The main fridge is for beer only. Everything else goes in the garage. An interesting approach, and one that I'm sure makes him a very attractive catch for most women.
# Man Law on Food: Regardless of weather, the grill is always the cooking appliance of first choice. further, salmon is a fish, and not a color.
# Man Law on Hair Care: No man shall use more than one hair product, if at all. A Man in L.A. - arguably the hair capital of the world - adds: moreover, the maximum amount of time allowed for a man to style his hair shall be no more than one minute times the number of inches of the mane. No exceptions.
# Man Law on Dating Your Best Friend's Girl, Who Just Dumped Him: "Your best friend is dumped by his girlfriend. How long before you can ask her out?" Under normal circumstances, such woman is Off Limits. Forever. Exception: if she is drop-dead gorgeous, the time limitation shall be no less than six months. A Man from New England contributed the following proviso: just bedding the chick, who is probably vulnerable and ready to get drunk anyway, does not count as a date as long as you don't call her afterwards, and no one else finds out.
# Man Law on Homophobes Using Beards: Henceforth, any homophobic gay man who uses a woman as a beard shall be known as a McGreever. Usage: "Leave it to that McGreever to waltz out of here with the only hot girl in the joint."
# Man Law on Bachelor Parties: A Law Man from Texas summarized the rules: No cameras. No recording devices of any kind. Any man who makes a phone call to any female - other than a certified professional - during a bachelor party may be beaten senseless with no repercussions.
# Man Law on Commando Attire: The only acceptable length of shorts and bathing suits is at least two inches below any possible line of manparts exposure. This is the codification of the rule more commonly known as keeping the mouse in the house.
# Man Law: Even if there is a torrential down pour, two men may never share an umbrella. In fact, the man with the umbrella may choose not to use in order to maintain equality.
# Man Law: Memories of shared sports-watching experiences from 25 years ago, including specific play-by-play recountings, are more important than remembering one's children's birthdays.
# Man Law: If two adult men attend a movie alone together (no doubt featuring Mark Wahlberg playing a walk-on Eagle) a distance of at least one empty seat must be maintained between them.
# Man Law: Always answer the question "Do I look fat in this?" with a hearty "No, of course not, honey" and then run to the garage fridge.
# Man Law: A man shall not wear a Speedo bathing suit, including at the local YMCA, unless he is a current member of the US Olympic Swim Team...
# Man Law: no man has the biological capacity to find anything in the refrigerator EXCEPT beer without a GPS.
# Man Law: Unless a man has been suffiently prepped by a friend, if said friend's wife, girlfriend, mother, aunt, or other female asks for any information, the man must deny knowledege of anything, including even the fact that the friend is still living.
This Law is also known as the Sgt. Shultz rule.
# Man Law: If forced to drive a minivan to any destination, a man must first be sure it is loaded with at least 2 items of sports equipment and the radio is turned to Classic Rock. A bumper sticker emblazoned with a NFL logo is added protection.
# Man Law: No man must ever, under pain of death, drive into any gas station, rest area or other establishment for the sole purpose of asking directions to any other gas station, rest area or other establishment. This a
# Man Law on Food: Regardless of weather, the grill is always the cooking appliance of first choice. further, salmon is a fish, and not a color.
# Man Law on Hair Care: No man shall use more than one hair product, if at all. A Man in L.A. - arguably the hair capital of the world - adds: moreover, the maximum amount of time allowed for a man to style his hair shall be no more than one minute times the number of inches of the mane. No exceptions.
# Man Law on Dating Your Best Friend's Girl, Who Just Dumped Him: "Your best friend is dumped by his girlfriend. How long before you can ask her out?" Under normal circumstances, such woman is Off Limits. Forever. Exception: if she is drop-dead gorgeous, the time limitation shall be no less than six months. A Man from New England contributed the following proviso: just bedding the chick, who is probably vulnerable and ready to get drunk anyway, does not count as a date as long as you don't call her afterwards, and no one else finds out.
# Man Law on Homophobes Using Beards: Henceforth, any homophobic gay man who uses a woman as a beard shall be known as a McGreever. Usage: "Leave it to that McGreever to waltz out of here with the only hot girl in the joint."
# Man Law on Bachelor Parties: A Law Man from Texas summarized the rules: No cameras. No recording devices of any kind. Any man who makes a phone call to any female - other than a certified professional - during a bachelor party may be beaten senseless with no repercussions.
# Man Law on Commando Attire: The only acceptable length of shorts and bathing suits is at least two inches below any possible line of manparts exposure. This is the codification of the rule more commonly known as keeping the mouse in the house.
# Man Law: Even if there is a torrential down pour, two men may never share an umbrella. In fact, the man with the umbrella may choose not to use in order to maintain equality.
# Man Law: Memories of shared sports-watching experiences from 25 years ago, including specific play-by-play recountings, are more important than remembering one's children's birthdays.
# Man Law: If two adult men attend a movie alone together (no doubt featuring Mark Wahlberg playing a walk-on Eagle) a distance of at least one empty seat must be maintained between them.
# Man Law: Always answer the question "Do I look fat in this?" with a hearty "No, of course not, honey" and then run to the garage fridge.
# Man Law: A man shall not wear a Speedo bathing suit, including at the local YMCA, unless he is a current member of the US Olympic Swim Team...
# Man Law: no man has the biological capacity to find anything in the refrigerator EXCEPT beer without a GPS.
# Man Law: Unless a man has been suffiently prepped by a friend, if said friend's wife, girlfriend, mother, aunt, or other female asks for any information, the man must deny knowledege of anything, including even the fact that the friend is still living.
This Law is also known as the Sgt. Shultz rule.
# Man Law: If forced to drive a minivan to any destination, a man must first be sure it is loaded with at least 2 items of sports equipment and the radio is turned to Classic Rock. A bumper sticker emblazoned with a NFL logo is added protection.
# Man Law: No man must ever, under pain of death, drive into any gas station, rest area or other establishment for the sole purpose of asking directions to any other gas station, rest area or other establishment. This a
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