Everyone is going to have their opinions...but what does age have to do with no being ready for a child? Obviously as a race we were made to be able to reproduce starting at a certain age for a reason....yea ok some people have their first kid at 26 and have them at 17...you cannot honestly tell me that people as a whole or an individual have the right to choose who lives and who dies...**** anyone who thinks otherwise

 

More than you know

 

That helps

 

I don't have the answers and I'm not going to pretend to but I'll tell you this...I'm 22 and if when I was 17 my 22 year old self came up to talk to me I wouldn't know them for ****. In just those few years I've changed a ton, put a kid in between those years and who knows. I just don't think I could have been the father I want to be when I didn't really know myself at the time and that can be said for the majority of people at that age and I think that's what folks here are getting at. I'm 22 and graduating college in december and still don't think I could be the dad I would want to be...not saying that you're not ready or wanting to go down that path, early 20s or so seem to be about the middle of the bell curve with 17 being much more on the lower side as far as people having kids these days...and being happy. Obviously you're stuck in your decision and don't let anyone change that but from the sound of her attitude she's totally not ready if she's talking about not wanting the kid when the deed is done. Clearly her waypoints are a little off and at 17 she's in a tough spot because she has the whole over-bearing parents thing to deal with. The situation of a 17 year old and 20 year old wanting to have a baby is never, ever a smooth sailing ship and should have probably been a consideration just to avoid this sort of thing...not much mom can say when she's 18. Comes back tho, hindsight is 20/20, it is what it is and the only real advice you can get is "do what you think is right." You could sit in your room and let it pass you by only to wish you approached it a little more aggressively. I doubt keeping up with this thread really is helping your plight. You haven't lost the battle or your kid yet but it sounds like you're already giving up with the suicide talk.

Alas, we live in a world where we legally unfit to make many radical decisions unless we're 18...until then mom and dad run our lives and with her being 17 the laws and jury probably won't be on your side...from an outsider looking in would you high-five the 20 year old that got your 17 year old daughter pregnant...judgement aside, it's not an insult. It's a perspective and without getting huffy see if you can really answer that truthfully. And just because some "made it out ok" the odds are way against you and your 17 year old living to the ripe old age of 85 with 10 kids and a wonderful life, the odds almost guarantee against it...coincidence? Not likely, there's a reason for that. Of course egocentrism is always at a tug-of-war deathmatch with those who, free-of-charge mind you, constantly offer advice from simple observation, study, real experience, or first hand witnessing. Perfect evidence of this is the number of people on here who constantly harrass "squids" who don't wear a helmet or something because you never think it'll happen to you and I was guilty of it, I not only thought but convinced myself that I knew I'd never go down because I was careful, I knew my limitations but you know what, that's not enough. If you think about it, extremely little in life is ever a gauranteed certainty and it's unwise to follow that path. Try to note that I'm not saying it's stupid or dumb of you to be upset, I can only imagine, a good friend of mine lost their child to SIDS and there's no way I could ever comprehend that nor do I want to but we can only offer support that there's a handful of us rooting for your conflict to turn towards your favor but we'd be fools to just coddle you and tell you everything's going to be ok.

Do you have medical insurance? Do you have a residence of your own? A car? A secure, full time job? These are pretty much MINIMUM requirements of really being "ready" to take someone's life under your care. You can say you're gonna attack parenting full force but have you in the real world sense? In our world loving them and saying you'd die for them doesn't equate as being a good parent...you have to show them direct and indirect(they won't appreciate your overtime or even notice it for that nice bicycle on their birthday) and if it means doing **** you truly hate to get the job done then so be it, it could mean never riding your motorcycle again, you never know...and for the superman out there that says "well if it's for my kids then I love it" you wouldn't love shoveling **** 12 hours a day if it put food on the table...regardless. Just saying I'm gonna do it isn't enough, you have to be doing it now, especially since you were planning for this...planning means doing. Since you planned for this I assume you've already paved the road towards some kind of foundation for your kid(s), no?

I'm sure I speak for many when I say this, good luck with whatever actions you decide to pursue, I hope it works out in your favor.

 

Don't kill yourself wolf. It WILL NOT solve anything. Whatever happens, live it through. I promise it'll be worth it, and in the end you'll look back and see that I'm right. At 20, you really have your whole life ahead of you. There are plenty of people in worse positions than you are at this moment. It's not the end, buddy.

 

Well this is a hella rough subject. Basically do what you can do, give it 100% and relize whatever happens in the end happened for a reason. 17 is young, maybe too young? Maybe not, but when I was 17 I was immature as **** let alone trying to raise a baby. Just do your thing and if it doesnt work out in the end, just walk away from this crazy family. Start a new family with a person that also cares about you. She obviously doesnt regardless of what she says and her mother.

In the end everything happens for a reason. < The truth.

 

It took me a while to find out what everyone said, and I will be honest and say that I did not read everything completely.

I have had this happen to me. You will find a new respect for yourself when everything is said and done. I did help her and was there for her during the entire thing. I come from a religious background. Catholic grade school, Jesuit High School, and Jesuit College. I would have never thought about having an abortion. My parents are strong Pro-Life advocats. When I was a child, they had me go to the Pro-Life pickets out front of the Planned Parenthood offices.

We did use protection everytime, she was not on the pill though. Things happen in life for a reason. It defines exactly who you are as you grow. I did not support the idea of what she wanted to do, but had been together long enough to want to support her decision. I agree with what Classic has to say and the message that he is trying to send. I also understand where you say you have your rights. It is a horrible mess. There is not one person that can give you the advice you need to hear. The advice you need is going to come from your heart. If it tells you to fight, then fight. For me, it told me to support her and recognize what we had and where I wanted it to go.

Edit: We are still together. We talk about the experience when it is on her mind or mine.

 

I'm in the same boat hatebreed.


I'm not saying to not have a kid so you can become wealthy and I'm not saying become rich so you can rain presents down on your child everyday. But why have a child when you cant support yourself. I was raised poor-middle wage family (3rd child) and if you dont think kids dont worry about the welfare of their family than your kidding yourself. Living pay check after pay check sucked so bad. I remember after my parents divorced we were living with my mom. We didnt have groceries and I was eating bread and butter.

I'll be DAMMED if I raise a child in world were I cant pay for his/her food, medicine, etc. Also be there at every moment to see him/her grow up.

Also grand parents aren't babysitters. They too get tired of seeing family.

 

Dluv....i have a question, is it a decision you both look back on like "why did we do that"...

 

It is a decision we sometimes regret, and sometimes think it was for the better. Making a decision like that will always be questioned. I am not going to say it was a good decision or a bad one. I do think we made the right decision.

Everyone will have their own opinion. You just make the one your heart tells you to make. I will not look at anyone any different if they make a decision based on their heart. It is the decision made out of spite or anger that is not the right one.

Do yourself a favor, step back, breathe, and do what you know is right. I know it may sound a little cheesey to say, but your heart will never lie to you.