Hey everyone I just need to vent... I caught my wife cheating on me about 2 weeks ago. She had gone out to Chicago to visit "friends". And I had questioned why she was getting a hotel room for a couple of the first couple days she was going to be out there. She said "she just needed to relax for a couple days" I thought that was a lil fishy but what ever. We always would call each other before we went to bed and she didn't do that the whole time out there, I could barely get her to talk on the phone while she was gone. When I picked her up from the airport she didn't even give me a hug, So i was like WTF. Then the next friday night she went out with my niece that just trued 21 and got completely trashed. When I went to pick them up she was getting sick around the corner of the bar, so I tried to help her and she holds up her hand and says" Go away I don't want you now" as she is putting her cell phone up to her ear calling someone. SO my buddy says to let him deal with her go take care of my niece. Shortly after he comes back around to me and shows me her phone it said the last call was to MIKE. She was calling the guy she cheated on me with. So when i was taking my buddy home we call this guy and he answered the phone, I asked him if he was mike he said yes i asked him if he saw my wife when she was in chicago, he says "I can't answer that question" which pissed me off so I just asked him did you "F" my wife? He answers "I CAN'T ANSWER THAT QUESTION IT IS BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR WIFE" which in my book means yes!!!! He just took the bitch way of doing it. So I played along until I got everyone back to their houses. When I got home I asked her for her phone and she flipped out and tried playing sick so I still tried to get her phone from her in the bathroom, she tried to push me out of the bathroom so she could close the door. That wasn't going to happen..Then she pushes me out of the way runs out and jumps in her car and try's to leave. I run out in my boxers and grab the door. And she starts yelling that I scare her and im going to hurt her...WTF 9 years I have never laid a finger on her..So I let her close the door and I tell her if she leaves im calling 911, so she leaves and i call. then i call her cell phone and leave a message for her to come home and that the cops are looking for her and that I would leave and go to my dad's house. She came home about a half hr later. At this point i still don't know about her cheating on me but it's not looking good. Then I didn't not work monday or tuesday and it was killing me knowing she was hiding something so i started to look, i found that they had been calling each other like 10-15 times a days that started 6 days before she went out there and i asked her WTF she said they where just friends, im not buying it for 1 second. I told her that no one calls someone that much unless they are planning to do something or have already have done something. The next day I notice she has a password word on her laptop that she never had before. so i down loaded a program to hack it. And I find about 13 pics of her with this guy Mike French kissing in bed still clothed but we all know what that lead to... and out on the town. I don't know if i'm dumb or just love her that much but I told her I would forgive her and take her back no one is perfect, but she says she don't know if she wants that or not. Just 3 nights ago she calls me while i'm out on the road and says that she's not sure what she wants but she wants us to stay living in the house that i'm paying rent on until the end of the year, but live like we are not married just roommates.

 

My sympathies, been there, done that.
There will be a lot of advice coming your way, some here on the forum, friends & family....
I won't pull any punches, it's going to be a rough time, but anyway, here is my 2 cent's worth. This is uncharted territory, nothing pans out the same for everyone in the same situation, the most important thing here my friend is YOU.
A) Say you & your wife get back together, all is forgiven, teary scenes & expressions of undying love, You are never going to able to get over the fact that your wife has cheated on you, & most important, that she won't do it again. Making both of you miserable in the process
B) She is in lust with this guy, love?, who knows, so she is not going to be thinking rationally & even if she say's its over, it ain't.
C) Most important of all, Ok you love her & the betrayal only makes the kick in the guts worse. You want to kill this guy right, why? Ain't his fault.
Walk away now, look after yourself number 1. Don't pander to your wife by forgiving her or begging her to stay, never works, never will.
Go see a lawyer, plan for the worse outcome now & take the steps, if there is a chance you & your wife will get back together, then that will happen anyway.
Stay strong & focused & the best of luck to you, your going to need it.

 

im with pacemaker bro it will never be the same again and if somehow you can look past her cheating you are a better man than me be cause i sure couldnt..... and remember time makes everything better and there are plenty of fish in the sea, a whole lotta damn fish trust me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Tough love time: if you take her back, then you deserve the cheating skank for being such a spineless worm. Stop being a patsy, kick the bitch to curb and move on.

 

I’m sorry for your pain and the backstabbing. My current wife and I had the same problem with a guy while we were dating. I was able to forgive her but that’s because they never had sex. They just got drunk and were making out. I don’t think it’s foolish or stupid to stay with someone who has cheated on you. I don’t believe that saying of once a cheater always a cheater. But she has to understand that if things were to work out she would have to get along with the fact that the level of trust will never be the same. You can always forgive but will almost never forget. I wish you the best of luck in this very harsh time and hope everything works out well. More for you than her. Stay strong man.

 

This really sux man, im really sorry to hear this.
Ive been through something similar to this before... wasnt married luckily.

Trust me (and the other two who answered) and just walk away.

1. Shes sayin "she doesnt know what to do" right now, because she wants to continue having her fun for a few more weeks, or months, or however long... but keep you there for the emotion/financial/Having a place to stay side of things.

2. If she does change her mind and say she wants to be together, how are you gonna feel every time you call and she doesnt answer? Any time she goes out of town? If she has a password on something? It will make everything a million times harder... the trust has been broken, and as hard as you try... in my opinion is next to impossible to ever not have the "wonder why shes not answering", "i think shes acting funny again...", etc feelings after youve already had those feelings, and found out what was going on. Anytime something happens that remotely reminds you of anything thats happened recently, youre goin to get that bad feeling that shes cheating again.

3. The old saying, once a cheater, always a cheater.
I know fenatic says he doesnt believe the saying, and you dont have to... but making out with someone while ur dating someone else, and intentionally leaving town and have more of a relationship with another man while YOUR MARRIED are two WAY different things. It wasnt a one night, whoops i got drunk situation. Its occured for weeks (or more) and was planned to go to chicago and do it... then kept in touch with him afterwards.

I spend 6 months tryin to work out a relationship where a gril was doing almost the same thing to me. Some days she would act nice and like the "old" her when she 'wouldnt do anything like that' in my opinion. Then other times she just snapped at me, yelled at me, said the "i dont know if i want to be together" crap, and just pretty much mind-F'd me the whole time. Come to find out, its because nothing had changed and she was still seein the other person. You're setting yourself up for heartbreak man... As hard as it is, i really feel you need to walk away. If you just go cold turkey, no talking/flirting/messing around the worst of it will be over in a few weeks... ull still be hurt but ull see that there is more and ull start moving on, and ina few months itll be on your mind alot less.

Sorry for all the typing but this subjct hits close to home and if i can help someone else who was in my position i'd really like to help. O btw, the girl i was with was a long term relationship as well, not just some 1 year gf, but like 5 years.

Good luck man with whatever you decide to do. I def feel for you and wil keep you in my prayers.

O yea, do you guys have kids?

And if you do decide to break it off... dont let her stay there as a favor... that will only lead to her manipulating you and trying to get what she wants out of you. Tell her to leave, if she doesnt, call the cops before anyting escalates and she tries to set you up.

Once again, good luck

 

Pacemaker and Drax are right on the money, man.

I have also been through a similar situation and here's my advice....take it for what it's worth.

A long time ago, my mother told me something that I'll never forget. She said that love isn't ****in' magic.
All the good stuff that love brings is a BY-PRODUCT of two people who make a CHOICE to love each other. Love is a choice.
She made a choice not to love you, and now you need to make one, too.

Whether you believe it or not, she doesn't love you. She made a choice. What she chose was to be with another guy. That's certainly not love.

So do you want to love someone who doesn't love you back?

I did.
I did it for 3 years.
I wasted three years of my life on someone who didn't love me. Life is too short for that, man. There are soooooo many great women out there who want exactly what you do.
I found one, and I couldn't be happier. We've been together for almost 5yrs now, and just got married in June.

I know it's even tougher when you have the whole "divorce" word hanging over your head, but believe me when I say that it doesn't mean chit.
I suggest that you get a lawyer ASAP, and you strike hard and fast. Get it written up, brother. Man up, get the chit taken care of, and move the **** on. Thank god that you don't have a few kids in the middle... and just get the hell out.

If you want 10 stories of divorce that are way worse than yours, just let me know. I'm sure it doesn't feel like it right now, but you have your whole life ahead of you to get it RIGHT.

Staying where you're at is a long hard road that leads to a lot of pain.

 

Truth is that the bitch needs to go! You shouldnt have to deal with that BS, u dont deserve it! If she really loved you than she wouldnt have done what she did. Tell her that she ****ed up and that she doesnt have any right to ever see you again.

 

thanks guys for all the replies. I no I need to just kick her azz out and move on. But right now all she wants to take is the bunk beds we bought for my nephews,washer,dryer,a tv and some dishes. which leads me to believe that she has someplace to go like back out to Chicago... But oh well i'm going to be just fine. the only part that pisses me off is this type of crap always happens around the holidays to me....

 

best thing I can offer is to clear her out as quickly as possible. there are better women out there and she's the roadblock between you and them