Good one!

We now pick up the story of little Johnny soon after the above mentioned episode.

Two great events in little Johnny's life were about to unfold. One was the birth of Johnny's younger brother. The other was Johnny's first train ride Since little Johnny lives on a farm and has witnessed the miracle of birth, Johnny's parents decided they should tell him how little human babies are made. Johnny took this news soberly and thanked his parents for the information.

Knowing little Johnny? His parents were relieved.

We now flash forward to the train ride. Johnny's first ever.

Johnny leans over in his seat to whisper in his father's ear.

"Hey Dad? If big cows make little cows and big people make little people. Do big trains make little trains?

His father, taken slightly aback, looks out the window and rubs his chin, then looks at little Johnny and says, "Go ask your mother"

So Johnny asks his mother the same question. Little Johnny's mother, suddenly flustered looks around and then says, "Maybe you should ask the Conductor"

When the conductor walks by, Johnny reaches out and grabs the conductor's pant leg and yells at the top of his lungs.
.

"Hey Mr. Conductor! My mother told me to ask you, if big cows make little cows and big people make little people. Do big trains make little trains?"

The conductor smiles a wry smile. Then leans down to little Johnny and quietly says

"Son. You tell your mother this train always pulls out on time"

 

"I've Lost Me Luggage"
An Irishman arrived at JFK Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
"No," replied the Irishman, "I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.

"Water to Wine"
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have ya been drinkin'?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

"The Brothel"
Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said,
"Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said,
"Aye,'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."
Then they see a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen
said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying."

Irish Predicament
Drunk Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan) staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the Ole just sits there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either."

Irish Last Request
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'
__________________

 

Little Johnny ... what a legend.

 

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary.

 

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

 

Stolen from Rodney Dangerfield

It was my wife's birthday so I decided to get her a puppy. I was walking home and saw my neighbor. I said," Hey look at this dog I got for my wife". Neighbor says, "Nice trade!"

 

 

What do you get when you mix LSD and lutefisk?

A trip to Norway

 

Since Jarvid thought my last music video might be better suited for this thread, I present to you the worlds fastest banjo player.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qi-q...ature=youtu.be