Does she have PMS or was it the Full Moon?

I really can't complain about my life as it is. Sure a couple wiser choices in my past could've made the difference between relative comfort and what I live now as a 52 year old shiftworker in an egg dehydration plant. I'm an old dog and I'm willing to teach the odd young dog the ropes in my line of work if the snot-nosed little **** would stop texting his "Baby's Momma" every two seconds.

But that's beside the point.

Sometimes. In life's ups and downs. Life takes a turn for the worst. Or in my case, for the strange.

Let me tell you about my ride home last night.

We've had a relatively great summer here in the PNW. The typical June-uary had blossomed into a record stretch of 59 whole days without rain. Can't complain if your a tomato. or you're on the bike everyday and the unseasonal weather has extended itself into late September and looks to go beyond. Droning up and down the Interstate has never been better if it wasn't so boring.

For the last month or so, there's been a road construction site on my commute home. It's nearly ten o'clock at night and dark. I'm usually, at this point, only on the road with truckers and the drunks coming back from the casinos. Maybe the occasional other rider It's a dicey proposition at best until the signs say they've shut down the two left lanes.

Everyone moves over. Now we hit the construction zone and we're holding about 65 MPH. What is assaulting my vision I can only describe as a cacophony of lights. Reflective barrels a couple of feet off my left hand. Workers moving about in Hi-vis. Trucks with flashers. Large portable work lights and the arcs of the welders. I put blinders on and look no further than the end of my headlight. It works out for me night after night. Until last night.

It hit me in the head, Out of the darkness. I had no idea and never saw it coming.

A big-assed wet sneeze! On the inside of my visor. ****!

Spittle on the inside of your visor, can only be described as prismatic. Mucus, on the other hand, tends to be a bit kaleidoscopic and as it oozes its way southerly takes on the impressions of the globules inside a lava lamp Only in this case it was a safety orange lava lamp and I'm doing 60 plus next to a semi with orange barrels a couple of feet off my left hand.

I did what any sane person would do in this situation and I quickly flung my visor up. Which only served to fling my snot, at 60 plus, onto my eyeglasses. This didn't help my situation but did manage to put my dilemma into much clearer focus.

I spent the next six miles attempting to see. Trying to wipe expectorant off of my glasses and visor. Trying to just get home.

Give me some vodka and Clamato.

...and aww dammit!

I'm out of ice.

 

OMG
Coffee up my nose again !
Had to laugh, had it happen (only once) and not in such hazardous conditions - but a sneeze has to be the worst uncontrollable natural thing to befall a rider.
Good reason to carry a small spray bottle of "Windoleen" or whatever you have in the US to clean glass - we use it for bugs, but I guess it'll work just as well on a mucus-coated inner visor HEHEHE

 

Ha!

Great story Woof,

'Snot all bad though, you were riding, it wasn't raining (apart from inside the visor) and you remained safe.

I think perhaps Aaron Wilburn sums it up..............

"If My Nose Was Running Money" By Aaron Wilburn - YouTube

Ride safe, with a tissue

Cheers, SB

 

Hey, wooferdog, I know you're not a newbie rider but, I've learned to do my Barry Manilow impression years ago when the time comes to expel downward.

Practice, practice, practice........

 

Inside your helmet?

What if you have a big mustache and beard??? Still very, very messy

Cheers, SB

 

best 10$ i ever spent was for a breath guard for my helmet. keeps the faceshield from fogging up and protects from suprise sneezes.

 

I'll keep that in mind. This usually never happens to me. On the ride described, I had just passed through a cloud of welder's smoke. The sneeze came out of nowhere and was explosive

 

He left out my favorite song title. "You're the hangnail in my life and I can't bite you off".

 

I had the misfortune to be out in one of the work vehicles yesterday and hear a song on the radio called :

"You're the Reason our Kids are Ugly"

Great sentiment, Country songs are just great aren't they?

 

What do you get when you play a Country & Western song backwards???




































Your Truck, your dog and your girl back!

Cheers, SB