Today's giggle
#1771
03-21-2017, 05:05 PM
Super Moderator
Three ladies are chipping up to the fourth hole at River Hill Golf Club, when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green.
The three ladies stare in awe at the size of his manhood.
The first lady says, 'He is definitely not my husband.’
The second lady, gazes wistfully at his manhood and says, 'He is not mine either.’
After a very considered inspection, the third lady finally says,
'He's not even a member of this golf club.
The three ladies stare in awe at the size of his manhood.
The first lady says, 'He is definitely not my husband.’
The second lady, gazes wistfully at his manhood and says, 'He is not mine either.’
After a very considered inspection, the third lady finally says,
'He's not even a member of this golf club.
#1772
04-16-2017, 12:52 PM
If you ever decide you want to cause permanent emotional scarring on small children and get a good laugh at the same time....
http://ifunny.co/fun/3luW3uyj4
http://ifunny.co/fun/3luW3uyj4
#1774
04-26-2017, 09:04 PM
#1775
04-26-2017, 09:08 PM
Super Moderator
#1776
05-15-2017, 01:40 PM
Super Moderator
Understanding Australians
You know you're an Australian if ...
* You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
* You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.
* You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.
* You're required by the school to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.
* You're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans "rooting" for something.
* You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' may be less alluring than it sounds.
* You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bn'.
* You pronounce Australia as 'Oztrailya'.
* You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.'
* You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
* You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.
* You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
* You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
* You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.
* You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can never be called 'Woy'.
* You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they become Kiwis again.
* Hamburger with Beetroot? Of course!
* You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'.
* You believe that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
* You wear ugh boots outside the house.
* You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.
* You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
* You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite.
* You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
* You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.
* Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.
* You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac Cookies'.
* You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.
* You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.
* You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.
* When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
* You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in-o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto....
* You know that there is a universal place called "woop woop" located in the middle of nowhere...no matter where you actually are.
* You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like ****. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.
* You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.
* You've only ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet - to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you REALLY mean it.
* You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.
* You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.
* You've drunk your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam.
* You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colours.
* You've ordered a steak the size of your head and only paid $5 at your local RSL.
* You know that roo meat tastes pretty good, but not as good as barra. Or a meat pie.
Cheers, SB
* You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
* You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.
* You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.
* You're required by the school to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.
* You're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans "rooting" for something.
* You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' may be less alluring than it sounds.
* You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bn'.
* You pronounce Australia as 'Oztrailya'.
* You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.'
* You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
* You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.
* You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
* You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
* You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.
* You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can never be called 'Woy'.
* You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they become Kiwis again.
* Hamburger with Beetroot? Of course!
* You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'.
* You believe that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
* You wear ugh boots outside the house.
* You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.
* You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
* You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite.
* You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
* You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.
* Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.
* You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac Cookies'.
* You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.
* You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.
* You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.
* When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
* You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in-o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto....
* You know that there is a universal place called "woop woop" located in the middle of nowhere...no matter where you actually are.
* You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like ****. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.
* You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.
* You've only ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet - to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you REALLY mean it.
* You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.
* You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.
* You've drunk your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam.
* You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colours.
* You've ordered a steak the size of your head and only paid $5 at your local RSL.
* You know that roo meat tastes pretty good, but not as good as barra. Or a meat pie.
Cheers, SB
#1777
05-20-2017, 10:19 AM
Shopping At Tiffany's
A lady walks into Tiffany's. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone notice her little whoops, and prays that a salesperson not anywhere near.
As she turns around, her worst fear materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Good looking, cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany's.
He politely greets the Lady with "Good day, M'am. How may we help you today?"
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little incident, she asks "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"
He answers, "M'am, if you just farted looking at it, you're going to $hit when I tell you the price."
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone notice her little whoops, and prays that a salesperson not anywhere near.
As she turns around, her worst fear materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Good looking, cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany's.
He politely greets the Lady with "Good day, M'am. How may we help you today?"
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little incident, she asks "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"
He answers, "M'am, if you just farted looking at it, you're going to $hit when I tell you the price."
#1778
05-20-2017, 08:41 PM
#1780
05-21-2017, 06:09 AM
Super Moderator
